The Official Writing Challenge
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I am very confused over the details here; they are not consistent throughout the story. Also I'm not certain if this is fiction or otherwise.

You have the beginning of a good story. Keep writing and working on it. I'm sure you'll do well!

06/09/09
I enjoyed this - I think it's a good story. Try splitting it up into smaller chpt sections. See some of the masters' pieces and see this format there. Colin.
And definitely keep writing!
This has the makings of a good story. Paragraph breaks will make it easier to read and hold the reader's attention. Good job.
06/11/09
I got confused who was the person telling the story and how they ended up in soix city also unfortunately I dont think that the kidney of a person with alcohol problems would be accepted for transplant! Some paragraphs would help make it easier to read but the story did engage me .