Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Christmas Carols/Carolling (10/02/08)
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TITLE: Why | Previous Challenge Entry
By Billy Sandoval
10/08/08 -
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A generation prepares physically and spiritually for a lengthy night spent spending themselves tirelessly to a partially unappreciative crowd.
The meeting hall on the east edge of town houses the kids whose parents will be participating in tonight’s festivity. In it, twenty three bodies sit on the rugged brown carpet, captivated by the words of an elderly gentleman, who was given the task of occupying the rowdy bunch.
“And that”, he expertly articulated, “Is how this place came to be.”
Awestruck faces are illuminated by the four lanterns that had been previously set in each corner of the comfortably heated room. The girls giggled as the wide-eyed boys looked in various directions, lost in the story they wished was their own, full of adventure and heroism.
An obscure voice among them quietly asked, “Why do our parents sing?” Whispers arose in anticipation of the response.
“Well…” the man smiled. The youth repositioned for the next session, careful not to spill the small cups of hot chocolate that had been served by the storyteller’s assistants.
The elderly man sighed, his countenance resonating years of pain inflicted on him by some unknown force. “There are people in England that would wish us not to sing” he solemnly began. “There are some who sing because they want, or need…” little ears took in all that was said with honest objectivity.
At the entrance of the village, forty nine elders stood in groups of seven, consisting of sopranos, altos and baritones, bass’ and tenors.
The storyteller continued, “…in a circle’, and also ‘a song to accompany dancing’ ”, his pacing was slow so as not to attract attention to himself, “but we here, sing for one reason…do you know what that reason is?” he inquired.
On queue the mass at the town’s gate broke into a verse of O Come All Ye Faithful, peaceful yet powerful the melodious symphony echoed through the ever-darkening town.
Like popcorn one hand came up after the other.
“Yes?” the man gestured to a fidgety lad in the back.
“To make people happy”, the boy said, more of a question than a statement.
The harmony of voices dispersed into different avenues and their songs became that of their own groups choosing.
“That” the elderly exclaimed, raising his finger as if pinpointing the idea, “is a branch from the root of why we sing….anyone else?”
The voices of the carolers were beginning to feel the strain of the frigid air that caused chests to burn and lips to dry quickly.
Back in the meeting hall all arms were raised high, vying for a chance to administer their summation of the right answer.
“Is it,” one pupil spoke up after being called on, “to witness to unbelievers?”
“Aaah”, the gentleman pondered, “We have struck close with this one…but even this is not the sole reason of our joyous song.”
The perseverant assembly of parents tightly clung to their coats, bellowing their life song, as they neared the meeting hall.
The senior stopped in place, only moving his arms for emphasis, “The community…even the Christian community, has lost track of the ‘why’”, he made eye contact with the small populous as he spoke, “Many people will do and do and receive no reward in our judgment. I fear few understand our true purpose…We sing- they sing”, he interrupted himself, motioning towards door in the rear of the room, where the crowd could now be heard, “because of an immense outpouring of thanks to the one who saved us…we sing…not for eye service, nor as men pleasers... for such things will fade in time…we sing...”
The venerable man, tracked by twenty-three pairs of eyes, traversed the twenty feet to the hardwood door and gently opened it, exposing the younglings to waves of harmonious outcries, originating from cold, yet content servants.
“…for the glory of God, dear children, and the furthering of his kingdom.”
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~ in the first paragraph the last sentance should be switched with the second to last.
~ in the third section: the carpet is not significant. should be "a rugged...carpet"
other critiques will be appreciated :) i'm a new writer and i have a lot to learn. I really enjoy the work and God willing i'll continue doing it for some time.
A note: it's best not to comment on your own piece until judging is over (usually by Sunday or so), in case a judge might accidentally see the comments and anonymity is lost.
I can't wait to see how your writing changes as it's refined by the challenge!