Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Charade (08/14/08)
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TITLE: Never Too Far | Previous Challenge Entry
By Doreen Ferguson
08/21/08 -
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“Don’t ask this of me!” Her voice choked. Tears coming in a torrent soaked her blouse, “I’m not who you think I am.” Desperate and in pain, Misty, a beautiful young woman sat crumpled on the ground. Sobbing.
“I don’t understand,” Joni said. “What do you mean, you’re not who I think you are?” Looking up at the only person she could dare to let venture into her pain, Misty trembled. Her eyes pleaded to be left alone with her agony. Joni’s heart broke as she stood stunned by this scene. She waited as Misty buried her face in her lap attempting control her tears as she agonized over what her friend thought about her outburst. Finally, Joni asked, “Misty, what happened? Why did this upset you so much?”
“It’s, it’s just…,” waves of anguish gave way to the guilt buried deep inside her. “I... I can’t sing with you anymore.” Daring to finally confess the double life that had threatened to destroy her, Misty continued with tremendous difficulty explaining who she really was–or at least who she thought she was. The charade of living two lives had finally caught up with her. Barely audible she admitted, “During the day I’m just pretending to be the good little girl. But it’s just a charade. I’m so torn! I’m so sorry!” Trying again to catch her breath between sobs she continued. “I know I asked Jesus into my life, but I’ve done too much! There’s no way he could forgive me or be there now.” Joni waited knowing that God was doing something in Misty’s heart. But the sting of watching her friend hurt was quickly threatening to take her own breath away.
“At night, when no one else is around, it’s like... I don’t know... I just want to be with someone, someone who makes me feel like...,” and Joni knew. She exhaled, waiting for the rest. “... Like I’m beautiful. Like, I’m loved. And I give my body away to…,” her voice faded unable to finish. “But,” she cried breaking inside, “I always feel so dirty and ugly and it’s tearing me apart!”
Letting her own tears flow, Joni held her friend. “Misty, you are beautiful, and you are loved!”
“Not anymore. I’ve done too much and been places I never should have been. There’s no hope left for me!”
Knowing the pain, guilt and shame this young woman was experiencing, Joni smiled. It seemed such a strange reaction, but she thanked God for what she had been through. Maybe, just maybe, her story could help this broken woman.
“I understand what living a charade can do to your life. Believe it or not, I’ve been there.” Wide eyes, filled with pain, yet surprise and wonder, stared back at Joni. “Yes, me,” she nodded. “I spent years as a Christian deceived, living a life I never thought I would. I became someone I didn’t even know. I got caught up in escapades that would curl your hair.” She shook her head at the memory. “I was so desperate to have someone pay attention to me and like me, that I ran right into the lustful arms of others. Finally, after years of living like this and going to church every week, I broke. I had lost everything: my husband, my job, my strength, my hope, my identity, even my faith.” Taking a deep breath, “I was so ashamed and consumed with guilt. But the worst feeling I have ever experienced was fear. I was so convinced that Jesus had turned his back on me–that I had done too much for him to forgive!”
Amazed, Misty couldn’t believe what she was hearing. This was a woman she looked up to, the most amazing woman she had ever met. What was she saying? Joni continued with her startling story. “What I found out, when my heart finally broke as yours is now, is that Jesus was right there the whole time, waiting for me to return to his arms. I didn’t need other men’s “attention.” What I really needed was to realize the love Jesus had for me! He showed me such a deep love that I could tangibly feel the dirt and filth leaving. He washed me clean! Misty, you can never go too far that Jesus will not forgive you or withhold his love from you! Just run into his arms. He’s waiting.”
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Toward the end, Joni's speeches get a little bit long and sermon-like. I think there would still me more of a dialogue between the two women.
Wonderful ending!