Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: The Church (12/06/07)
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TITLE: Lost Souls | Previous Challenge Entry
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12/09/07 -
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“Let’s rob the church”. The four strong men are drinking and smoking in die untidy small room. Cold, heartless, aggressive men. They walk a hard road and show mercy to no one. The young man at the petrol station found that out the previous night, when he alerted the police upon the four men’s arrival and paid dearly with his live.
“Let’s rob the church tomorrow morning,” says the stringy one with a long scar over his left cheek. “The fools won’t expect it.”
Sunday morning people start to stream to church. It is a beautiful sunny, fresh smelling morning. You could hear people laughing and greeting each other cheerfully. All happy people, some, pretend to be.
It is quiet in the packed church, accept for the preacher’s voice. He is known for his spirit-filled sermons and everyone is listening with attention.
The next moment pandemonium breaks loose when four violent men, heavily armed with guns, run into the church. Yelling, swearing and gunshots, force people to freeze in their seats, some start screaming. Hostile warnings and more gunshots into the air quickly quiet them.
He is old and his hair white now. Since he was a young boy, he lived a life dedicated to the Lord. He has a warm alive relationship with the Lord and his Sun Jesus Christ and experiences their love everyday.
When he saw the four men run into the church, he saw four lost souls. He saw scars on their bodies, but also scars in their souls; reflecting in their eyes. Some scars from recently, but most from childhood. He feels so much love and compassion for them that he has to put his hand on his lips to stop a cry from escaping.
Slowly he raises his arms into the air and softly he starts to whisper: “I am protected by the blood of Jesus. We are protected by the blood of Christ.” Over and over he says it and continue a little bit harder with: “God Almighty is Lord of the universe and God of all God’s.” The people around him start to join him: “Lord God we praise You for your love and kindness. O Lord our God, how great you are.” All over people start to raise their hands towards the Lord and sing: “Praise the Lord, he is merciful and loving. Jesus Christ, precious savior of our souls.” It continued into loud overwhelming praises to the Lord, a sweat smelling sacrifice.
The four men are caught off guard and start running around, jelling hard.
Their voices disappear into the deafening praises that is going up to the Lord.
The old, white haired man, slowly start to walk towards the one gunman closest to him.
With tears running down his face, he put his arms around the bewildered man and whispers in his ear: “God loves you. We all love you. You are precious.”
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Be careful of switching from present to past tense. I think past tense would work best for this type of story.
I love the courage of the man who stood to pray, and inspired the whole church to join in.
"He is old and his hair white now" I know it's a typo, but I think you meant to say "yelling" instead of "jelling"
This could be made into a good longer story.
Tidy some technical details and WOW!
Very inspiring to stand for love.
Spelling and grammatical errors distract from the flow of the story, making it difficult to read. However, the concept is a great one.