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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Fellowship (among believers) (10/11/07)
Kaylee hugged her knees closer to her body in the darkness, shivering from the cold and wondering how she could possibly survive down here. She had been angry that she had to go out with this bunch of losers from her youth group to begin with, and this whole idea of coming down into this cold, damp cave was the worst idea of all. It was supposed to be an exercise in building their dependence on each other – learning what it truly meant to hold each other up in fellowship, according to their youth pastor. She didn’t care about the fellowship of these losers. She didn’t even know if she really even believed in God anymore.
As she tried to find a comfortable position without falling from the ledge on which she was perching, the pain in her arm shouted for attention. She knew she must have broken it. Something skittered by Kaylee’s leg, and she screamed in horror. She wished her flashlight had not dropped when she fell over the edge. Why did she have to be so stubborn and independent?
“I don’t need you!” She had shouted at the others after arguing with Jordan and Ellen. “I’ll find my own way out.” Boy, had she ever made a mess of things. The paths through the cave were confusing, and then she tripped, finding herself plummeting down the edge of a precipice. Her flashlight clattered down ahead of her, and the ledge that broke her fall also broke her arm.
What if no one found her? What if she starved to death down here? What if she froze to death down here? She shivered again. The dampness permeated her clothing. She had not dressed to be in the cave for this long. “Please, God. I’m sorry for being such a brat. Please help someone to find me. I need help. I need your help, and I need help from the other kids.”
Kaylee had almost given up hope altogether, when she heard the sounds of people up above her. “Help!! Help!! I’m down here!”
Someone shone a flashlight down on her, and she heard Jordan shouting, “I’ve found her! Kaylee’s down here! Hold on, Kaylee! We’ll help you.”
Josh, their youth pastor, managed to rig some ropes with some jackets to make a seat to pull Kaylee up. “I’m sorry, I really didn’t mean it,” she apologized to Jordan and Ellen. She was amazed as the other kids surrounded her, never mentioning her earlier behavior, but absorbing her into their midst. There was only one flashlight left with batteries, so they had to rope each other together and move as one until they found the light indicating the entrance to the cave. As they emerged from the darkness into the light, Kaylee knew she had truly found the meaning of fellowship.
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This article has been read 742 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
LauraLee Shaw
10/19/07
This is a very well written story. I would have enjoyed reading it more if the paragraphs were double-spaced. Just makes the tracking easier. Great job!
Beckie Stewart
10/19/07
I agree, this is a good story, but too would have enjoyed the space because it made it a little overwhelming to read. I like the way the group showed the forgiveness of the Lord to one who needed to "see" it in action.
Jan Ackerson
10/20/07
Great story for a youth group to read and discuss. I love the symbolism of light/dark at the end...

...but consider ending it something like this:

A few more steps--and the group, holding tight to Kaylee, emerged from the darkness into the light.

You don't have to tell your readers what the symbolism means...you've done a great job of writing it. Trust your readers' intelligence, and your own writing.
Josiah Kane
10/22/07
This gives a lovely portrayal of emotions, and the way that the group rescued her was really moving. The rescue attempt was also incredibly stupid. Kaylee was not in any immediate danger, and could be reassured that they found her simply by calling. The group could have had another accident, or failed to get her up, or seriously damaged her arm. It would have been much wiser to report the problem to the authorities.
Brenda Buikema
10/22/07
Don't be fooled, this is great writing. The STORY you tell here is just what it is, a story with a moral. Christ works through the acts of others and I feel you did a great job in your writing. I too think this would be a great story for a youth group to explore. Keep up the blessed writing. Well done!
Donna Powers
10/23/07
A nice story and one that relates well to youth. I also enjoyed Kaylee's revelation of true fellowship.
Donna Powers
10/23/07
A nice story and one that relates well to youth. I also enjoyed Kaylee's revelation of true fellowship.