Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Calm (emotionally) (09/13/07)
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TITLE: Rescue | Previous Challenge Entry
By Grace .
09/20/07 -
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“It’s going to be all right I’m going to get you out. Don’t worry you’ll be fine.” I tried to encourage him.
The boy turned his dirty face toward me with fear in his eyes. The ceiling outside the room broke with a loud crack as debris sprayed over us. In a moment our mouths filled with muck and our exit was blocked. The boy didn’t move, he froze with terror. I left the boy and started to move toward the rubble, my hands sinking in the thick layer of burning dust. I clawed my aching fingers into the makeshift wall. Nothing moved. I started to kick even more furiously. Still nothing moved. I began to look for some sort of window or door, but there was nothing except a small window above the bed. I grabbed the boy and we started to move toward the window in a desperate escape plan. The window felt hot as I took hold, but the window wouldn’t budge. By this time the room had filled with smoke, the boy had passed out on the floor. I was felling terrible too. I was so hot, my skin was burning. I wouldn’t be able to get out at this rate. Even if I could escape I wouldn’t be able to bring the boy with me; I was so weak. I grabbed a bat from the floor and started to smack the window. The window finally broke; shattering all over me and the bed. Some of the smoke began to leave, and fresh air spilled in. My throat wasn’t as rough, but not clear enough to regain my breath and drag the boy out. We were on the second level, I couldn’t just drop the boy out the window.
“Help!” I tried calling, but nothing came out but a hoarse whisper. My lungs were still to clogged with smoke. I couldn’t call for help my throat hurt to much, and I couldn’t get out through the front door. So I started to pray.
“Dear Lord,” I started. “Please help me get through this. I need your help. Please give me courage. And please help the boy live”
Instantly it felt like God himself was beside me, watching over me. I knew in my heart he would show me a way out. The rubble at the door started to crumble until it gave away and fell to the ground, spraying everything with dust and dirt. Firemen wearing gas masks rushed in. One put his arm around my shoulder and another grabbed the boy. We were hurried out and as soon as we had left the building the boy began to stir. He coughed hoarsely and began to shake. The firemen ran him to the ambulance where the rest of his family sat, scared. The boy’s mother and father jumped up as soon as the boy was out of the building and ran to him. I was taken to the ambulance and given something to drink where I watched as the fire was put out. After the boy had woken up, surrounded by his brothers and sisters, and I had checked on him, I realized that the calmness I had experienced was a miracle sent from God and I knew He had answered my prayer at the exact right moment.
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Watch out for comma splices, which create run-on sentences, and also for usage of the word "too" instead of "to."
I could almost feel the heat and the smoke--very evocative writing.
There were a few minor grammar errors, but nothing that can't be fixed with a bit of practice.
Great job. I loved this. Keep writing! And a GREAT first entry!