Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Surprised (09/06/07)
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TITLE: The Best Surprise Ever | Previous Challenge Entry
By Elizabeth Jones
09/13/07 -
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The day was a beautiful day and it couldn’t have been more perfect for my 18th Birthday.
Dad and I went fishing at the lake house that day because that was the one thing that we enjoyed together. Yes, I am a fisher girl.
When Dad and I got back from fishing, he told me to go out to the car because he had a surprise for me.
As I was walking out to the car, a very good-looking guy was standing right next to my dad’s car waving at me.
My Dad never let me date, so I thought, “Oh my, is this guy really my Birthday present.”
As I got closer and closer to the car, this guy just stood there smiling at me. I never had any guy stare much at me or even smile like he was smiling at me. You see I have not had any hair for years because of going through cancer treatments, so it seems like some guys in the world just looks at the outside of a person and not the inside. I had to pinch myself just to make sure that this wasn’t a dream. Did this guy notice that I didn’t have any hair?
As I was walking, I tripped and fell. I was so embarrassed. He walked toward me and helped me up. He said, “Hi! My name is Scott”.
I said, “Hi Scott, my name is Laura. Thanks for helping me up.”
Hours went by and we just stood outside talking about so many things in life. I thought, I never wanted this birthday present to end.
Suddenly, it was dark and I heard a voice calling me. Yes, it was my dad. I said, “just a minute dad.”
The evening ended that day for Scott and I, but I will never forget that surprise.
My dad asked me, “Well, what did you think of your Birthday surprise?”
I said, “Dad, it was the best Birthday surprise ever!”
Before I went to bed, I snuck out to the car and looked in it, just to make sure that Scott was really my Birthday present that Dad was talking about. Well I found a present that said “to Laura”.
I opened it. It was papers that said that I was now Cancer Free. Wow! I said “Thank You Jesus!” I prayed and prayed thanking God.
The next day, I saw Scott and told him the good news. Scott told me that he prayed for a special time before he had to go off to war. He said, that he was so glad that God blessed him also, with the moments that he had with me. He told me that the reason why he was standing next to the car was because he had been playing basketball and his basketball rolled under my dads’ car. He said that he was trying to get the ball from under the car when he saw me and forgot all about the ball.
The day that I had to say goodbye to Scott was the hardest. I can remember every moment. Before Scott left that day, he shaved off his hair and said, “hair was so over-rated any way.” After he said that he hugged me, we prayed, and then he gave me a kiss.
Oh, how I wanted Scott to get out of the military but I knew deep down that I must appreciate that he was fighting for our country’s’ freedom. I wish war never existed but since it does, we need to have soldiers fight for us. I never knew that God would bless me with such a soldier.
After the war ended, Scott came home and proposed to me. We got married at the Lake House Church.
Scott said that he missed being in the military but he didn’t ever want to be away from me, so he became a Pastor. He said that he felt like God was calling him to be a different kind of soldier on the front lines of war. He said that he wanted to be on the front lines again fighting a battle to save lives but this time with Jesus in front of him and me right by his side.
Wow! When God surprises you, He really surprises you!
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Your last 4 paragraphs cram an awful lot into such a short space--you don't really need to wrap everything up like that, given our extremely short word limit. Think about using those precious words to more fully explain and develop your characters in their present situation.
Nice romantic story for young teens--love the tender relationship portrayed here.