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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Bold (emotionally) (08/30/07)
I lay in bed, covers pulled up to my chin. I reached to the table beside my bed and
grabbed my book. It’s one of those books where when you first open the book, you hear
that wonderful crinkle. The crinkle that is the trademark of a wonderful book. After I
started reading the book I knew I was right, it was a wonderful book. The girl in the book
was twelve years old and she was bold. Not the kind of bold where you’re rude, but the
kind of bold where you aren’t afraid to walk up to someone you hardly know and become
friends, tell someone how you feel, or tell someone your faith. The kind of bold I wasn’t,
but wished I was. My thoughts drifted from my book to Church this morning. The
sermon was about evangelizing. The pastor had talked about having no excuses to tell
others about Jesus. If I could be bold like Emily in the book then I could evangelize. It
wasn’t that I didn’t want to evangelize; in fact, I wanted to more then anything. But
whenever I had the opportunity to, I became shy, and let the opportunity slip away. I had
prayed and prayed for God to give me boldness to evangelize, and I knew He wanted me
to tell others, but I still didn’t have the courage. He was telling me how I could, but my
eyes were closed to His answer. Closed eyes, now that I stopped to think about sleep I
could feel my eyelids getting heavier by the minute. I looked at the clock, 11:03pm. No
wonder I was tired. I set my book back on the table and closed my eyes. I prayed again
for God to give me boldness to evangelize and for Him to show me how I should do it. I
then fell asleep within minutes.

I woke up the next morning and went downstairs. Mom was sitting on the couch
with a pile of stories next to her. Not just any stories, ones I had written.
“Morning Mom!” I said. “What are you doing with all of my stories?”
“Well Samantha, I hadn’t looked at them for a while. They’re really good!” She
looked up at me, “You know Sam, you should write another story. The last one you wrote
was nearly six months ago.”
I closed my eyes and pictured another story, “Yeah, I think I’ll do that. I think I
will.”

I thought about what my mom said for the rest of the day and got a brilliant idea.
In a story I could be whoever I wanted to be. I could be bold, and do what I only dream
of doing in reality. If I could be bold in a story, then I could tell others about my faith. I
could evangelize through my writing! I ran upstairs to my room and sat down at my
computer. What happened next was amazing. It was as if I was born to write this story.
The idea came quickly as did the words on every page. I worked hard for two days, only
taking breaks to eat and sleep. My hard work paid off. I had finished what I thought was
the best story I had ever written.

As my story was printing dad walked in.
“What are you doing, Sam?” He asked.
“I just finished writing a story.” I smiled. I love the way that sounds. “Once it
finishes printing do you want to read it?”
“Of course I want to read your story. We can go downstairs and read it with your mom.”
I shook my head. “No, you two read it alone. I’ll be up here.”
My dad took the newly printed book out of the printer and walked out of the room.

I closed my eyes. I didn’t think I could do it. Actually finish a story in two days.
And more important, I didn’t think I was bold enough to write a story that could
evangelize to others. Then I remembered; I left this story in God’s hands. The story was
His to do whatever He wanted with it, and it would stay that way. I grabbed my Bible and
turned to one of my favorite verses.

Philippians 4:13
“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” (NKJV)

How true that verse is.
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Member Comments
Member
Date
Jan Ackerson
09/09/07
Lots of good things here for writers, both beginning and "old hands."

Some things to give it additional sparkle: Break up the longer paragraphs, and give each speaker his or her own paragraph, separated by spaces. And in a first person story, avoid second person ("you") references; there are a few in the first paragraph.

bold writing is certainly a wonderful goal!
Beth LaBuff
09/13/07
I like how your entry started with your main characters in bed covered up. You've pretty much described the opposite of boldness then she has a complete turn around in the end of your story. Having boldness to evangelize is definitely something that is difficult. I was eagerly reading so I could find out what story your main character was going to write. Nice writing. You have some good ideas.
Pamela Kliewer 
09/14/07
Hey Miss Jeanne sent me over here to read your story. You have a lot of potential here. You drew me in right away with your first sentence. I wanted to find out about someone snuggled cozily in their bed. :)

I really liked your idea of learning to become bold by writing about it and using your writing to witness to others.

You might try using a thesaurus. These sentences: "It’s one of those books where when you first open the book, you hear that wonderful crinkle. The crinkle that is the trademark of a wonderful book. After I started reading the book I knew I was right, it was a wonderful book." could really be tightened up by using different words for wonderful, since you have it three times and you also use the word book several times.

Keep on writing, you definitely have a gift and with continued practice you will go far.
Pamela Kliewer 
09/14/07
What I meant to say was you might want to try and not use the word book so much, but maybe exchange book with it, where appropriate. :) I hope that makes more sense now.

Pamela
Leanna Roe
09/14/07
What a neat story. Good job.
Keep on working on your writing. I think you show a lot of promise. I sure couldn't write like that at your age.
Loren T. Lowery
09/15/07
There are some great Biblical insights revealed in this story. It also shows a new, budding writer with a tendere heart and some raw talent...who is bold enough to believe in herself and the words God has put in her heart.
Continue to study writing techniques, such as dialogue and paragraph structures, etc to improve your presentation. Also, continue to read your favorite writers to see how they are able to get their messages across...but most of all continue to write, because that is what writers do. Like it says in (Galatians 6:9) "In due season, you shall reap if you faint not." Ie, persevere!
Donna Hogue
09/15/07
Great story! I love your spirit. Just slow down and rethink how your words are being used.

I believe you are a gifted writer.
Laurie Walker
09/15/07
It took me until I turned 31 to figure what you've learned at your age. Miss Jeanne sent a bunch of us to your story and I'm so glad she did. What a beautiful message you've imparted here.

As others have said, break up your big paragraphs (typically done when a new thought begins). This helps it flow better for the reader. Next, go back and 'tighten' things up by looking for repeat words (I, me, was, that, he, she, that sort of thing). You'd be surprised how many words you can cut out that way.

There is a gentle spirit about this piece. I applaud you for having the 'bold'ness to enter.