Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Bold (emotionally) (08/30/07)
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TITLE: A MOTHER'S LOVE | Previous Challenge Entry
By Jeanette Northan
09/04/07 -
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I wanted to check out the areas myself. So I left John at home while I went out to pick up a few things from the grocery store. I decided to stop at a shopping center just to window shop which was all I could do right now since we were on a budget. It was becoming nightfall and I had to get home before it became too dark. I heard a lot of shouting around the corner from the store. I started to get into my car when I looked up and I saw a bunch of young boys by and old basketball court. They did not look as though they were playing basketball. I saw them with bandanas tied around their head. They had on sweatpants with the pant legs rolled up above their ankle. The building by the basketball court had a lot of graffiti written on it.
I heard a familiar voice coming from the shouting. “Man, I don’t want to do this! If my parents knew this, I would be grounded for life.” Another voice shouted, “All we are asking is that you go and snatch a few purses for initiation. It is not like we are telling you to kill someone.”
At that moment I was nervous when I was trying to unlock my car door. I could not find the right spot to put the key in. A can dropped out of my bag and made a loud noise. When I finally got the door opened, I started praying in my mind. “Lord, please keep your hedge of protection and your guiding angels encamped around me. Let no weapon formed against me prosper. In Jesus Name, I pray. Amen
As I looked up, the crowd that was on the basketball court was in front of me. I kept on praying in my mind. One of the guys said, lady, just be cool and you will not get hurt. All we want is your purse. I looked down at the kid who was saying this. I thought, “these are just little children. What can they do to me?” The church mother started coming out in me. “Every one of you boys need to be in church right now. I plead the blood of Jesus over your lives.” I heard them laugh. Lady, don’t give us that. If you do not hand over your purse, we have a new member here who don't mind chopping you up right now. They brought someone from behind the crowd. I was in shock and so was he. A great rage came over me. My blood pressure went really high. “Jamie! I shouted, if you don’t get your crazy butt home, you will be grounded for the rest of your life.” At that point, I took my big purse and started hitting Jamie up side the head and every other kid’s head that I could get to. My recent brown belt came in handy too. The kids, including Nicolas, started running as the cops were coming. Someone in the store had heard all of the noise. We were surrounded by cops.
Jamie never did this again. He was literally grounded for life and all the parents in the neighborhood thanked me.
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You might want to experiment with more complex sentence structure. Many of your sentences are quite short and simple, when combining two such sentences with a comma (and maybe a conjunction) would bring more variety to your work.
You sure nailed the topic with this terse story!