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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Confident (07/05/07)
Janet felt as if her heart had been ripped out – again. How many times was she going to have to try and succeed at… life? It seemed like every time she turned around, there was another failure looming... larger than the pink elephant that sat in the living room when she was growing up. Nobody talked about the real problems in her home.

Because of the home life Janet had had, her confidence wilted as quickly as spinach did when it hit the hot pan. She tried praying and reading her Bible, but lately it just seemed like a duty without substance. Her relationship with God felt flat.

Janet sighed deeply, pulling out her journal. Maybe if she wrote out what she was feeling it would help. It had in the past, and she hadn’t written for a long time.

Well, here I am, not really knowing why I’m bothering. I guess I hope it will help. My mind is a swirl of thoughts and my emotions won’t settle down to any particular one. Why does life have to be so hard?

I really thought I had found THE GUY this time. He was kind, caring and sooo sweet. I felt like his heart really wanted to know mine. How could I have let my hopes soar like that? It’s never turned out before, so why should this time be any different? EVERY time I lean on a guy – boom! He gets torn away from me. This time it hurts worse than all the other times, because Timothy was DIFFERENT. My heart feels like a shredded mess.

Timothy was really helping to boost my confidence in who I am as a person. God why did you have to take him from me? I was – oh God! I was falling in LOVE with him. And this time, this time, God, it was REAL! You’re cruel to have done this to me. Is it so wrong to be depending on someone who was finally helping me find some confidence in my life?!

Hot tears ran down Janet’s cheeks. “God you’re not fair! Please help me! I know I’m upset right now, and I’m angry with you but I need you!” She picked up her journal again, and just sat with it clasped to her chest, waiting. She was amazed at the calmness she suddenly felt. She knew that God had heard her plea for help, that He was going to show her something profound as sure as she knew that the sky was blue.

Janet grabbed her Bible from the nightstand and flipped through the pages. She knew with a confidence she’d never felt before that God was guiding her, leading her in a quest for truth. She was desperate for truth. She had lived too long under the shadow of a guilt she shouldn’t have carried. She had always felt that her parents’ problems with drugs and alcohol were her fault.

For years she had sought relationships with guys that would heal her wounded heart, build her confidence, and give her someone to lean on. She had accepted Christ at a church camp one year and she knew that Jesus loved her, but she didn’t know what it meant to have a vital relationship with Him. She knew she was on the cusp of knowing though. God was with her, drawing her by His Holy Spirit.

She found the passage that had popped into her head. “So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly reward. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised.” (i)

She wrote:

God I have been looking in the wrong places for confidence haven’t I? You want my confidence to be in YOU and you don’t want me to throw that away. By my seeking confidence in guys, I was throwing away my confidence in you. Oh God, forgive me. Help me to seek you always. I want to learn what it means to be confident in you and to walk with you always by my side.

Janet put aside her journal, sighing contentedly. She knew this was just the beginning of the kind of relationship she had longed for and previously sought in all the wrong places. She prayed that she would be able to keep her eyes on Jesus – where she would find the way to be truly confident.

****************

(i) Hebrews 10:35
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This article has been read 914 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Helen Paynter
07/12/07
A good message, and you told it well. I did wonder if she 'came around' a little too quickly - she is grieving after all. Consider the possibility of offering just a tiny glimmer at the end rather than wrapping it all up neatly. Well done.
Beth LaBuff 
07/16/07
Janet's new relationship would never disappoint her. You told her story very well. Thanks!
dub W
07/17/07
The story flowed naturally, although the epithany was a little too sudden. Watch the pronoun reference issues and work on word order. By all means, try to eliminate exclamation marks. You're a good story teller, keep writing.
Loren T. Lowery
07/17/07
A very basic and so important truth told well. Her heartache is universal so the reader can easily identify with her feelings. Your showing your MC insights helps us all to understand where our confidence must rest. Nice job and keep writing!
Joanne Sher 
07/17/07
This is very genuine. I felt like I was right there with your MC.
Dee Yoder
07/17/07
Well written. Your point is made with an appealing main character, and you gave her realistic thoughts.
Patty Wysong
07/17/07
The way you used her feelings and her journaling was great. It flowed smoothly and built on eachother. Good job!!
Myrna Noyes
07/25/07
Oh, Pamela, I really liked this piece! :) Janet's journal entries had such an authentic ring to them, and her emotional stuggle was clearly expressed. I liked the reference to her confidence wilting as easily as spinach in a hot pan, and I liked the phrase, "She knew she was on the cusp of knowing." Congratulations on placing in the top 15 in your level with a #7! Good writing, friend! :)