The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 870 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
02/23/07
I really like the first third of this--I think the combination of dialog with description made the setting more real. Perhaps more of that in the last part--describing the scenery, or Paul's straining muscles, or have them stop to have a Gatorade?

Good object lesson.
02/24/07
I'm amused by the notion of 'reverse parable' - where spiritual truths are used to teach worldy ones! A thought-provoking story, and I'm with Jan - I particularly enjoyed the first part.
02/26/07
A very believable and well written story. Great work here; I liked the lesson that you put into this story