Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Valley (08/10/06)
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TITLE: Valleys of Life | Previous Challenge Entry
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08/17/06 -
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Copyright 2006
The terrain scans the length of a lifetime, showing signs of rambuctous activity. The
dunes level and dip, the trees reach for the heavens but are far apart. There beneath the
grassy cliff is the first valley, the valley of the shadow of death. A child of thirteen
lingers at the cliff’s edge, captured by the depth of the valley and the echo his voice
produces when he shouts. “Hello….is anyone out there…?” He didn’t expect an
answer, but he also didn’t like the loneliness he felt as he paced his journey, creating
songs and poems to amuse himself along the way. Night fell and morning rose, a
thousand of them, still presenting to him the cliffs and the dark valleys. When he
came upon the valley, with no other path to choose, he descended again into the
cavity which to him felt like an abyss. His surroundings so affected him, it was difficult
to see or hear or feel anything else. Only the perceptions of loneliness and sadness
entered his world. He allowed himself to cry, but he prayed effortlessly, as all self
consciousness disappeared when he came before the Throne. By Him he was seen,
and heard and loved. He could not see the arms, but strong arms of Love wrapped
themselves around him. Years of the journey passed, and he came to a desert place.
The desert place felt even more desperate than the valley. Thirst for satisfaction
plagued his daily thoughts. Along the way little forest creatures would come and
play with him which was his chief joy during the daylight hours. The storms that
bore down upon him, shredded his clothing and tore at his hope, but he continued
to believe there was a good reason for all of this. Finally after twelve years had
passed, the clouds parted, the sun rays fell upon him and he was raptured by those
invisible arms, which lifted him away from the burning desert floor, and whose
voice comforted and reassured him and gave him a special map in order to
continue his sojourn.
More sunrises and sunsets, long days of hard labor. Some days there was no direction
or clarity yet plenty of sorrow. Ugly scenes and destructive things, and endless hours.
All the lad had was his hope and faith in the One who loved him. A tempters voice
Whispered day and night, trying to get the boy to fall in despair. The boy fought the
Good fight, just as he had in the desert and the valley of the shadow of death but he
Was reaching his end.
After several scuttles with spiders and spiderwebs, he was approached by familiar
Woman, he had only seen a few times in passing. As he had no family and was always
Alone, he thought it was extroidnary that she seemed determined to come straight up
To him. She led him to a field, a bright and shiny green meadow, where he could now
see for miles. Amazing. It was all he could say. There in the beautiful land were rare and
beautiful flowers, he had seen in books before but never in person. There they were,
posing just for him! He walked all around, examining and smelling each unique and
refreshing fragrance. He realized that for the first time in many, many years he was
Realized that he had been in the valley of decision. In that valley he was faced with
With great loss and confusion and pain. But he had a choice, to give up on the Love
That characterized his life, or to once again decide to lay down his desires and
his life down, in order that the higher will be done. He chose to yield to the to
greater plan, walk beneath the shadow of His wings, and knows that one day he will
understand even more about his journey.
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Secondly, from "A tempter's voice..." on, you've got several capital letters down the left margin that shouldn't be there, plus some sentences that look like you changed them, but didn't complete the change.
Now, for the positive: This piece has great potential, with a little bit of work. The poetic language and descriptive prose is good, and you clearly have a flair for creative writing. Good job!