Marriage

Healthy Conflict, Fighting Fair

by Janice S Ramkissoon 
03/16/18
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(Celebrating Friendship in Marriage 5)

We learned/ were reminded that there are four main areas integral to marriage: Communication; Connections; Conflict and Commitment. In marriage, these topics intertwine as it’s not about one or the other. They all work together in unison with each other as a husband and wife works in unison with each other for the marriage to last.

In this part I’d like to highlight point 3—Conflict—which I introduced in part 1. This topic is the main focus of the series, ‘Celebrating Friendship in Marriage’ because it is the area that can do major damage to marriages. I wanted to zoom in on that point more than the others because it doesn’t just affect marriages. Unmarried people reading this article will also be able to benefit from the points raised.

Conflict is the area many people avoid in their various relationships. Colleagues at work, members and volunteers in our church community, charitable organizations and those working on local community projects, are all afraid to address ‘the elephant in the room’. Children are afraid to address the verbal abuse from leaders in their lives whether in the home, in the classroom or elsewhere. And the verbal and physical abuse (bullying) on the playground goes unnoticed and unreported because of that fear. Communication plays an integral role in the spread of that fear.

We’ve found it a challenge in our marriage due to our different backgrounds in dealing with conflict. The lessons we learned or were reminded of, at the Marriage event, are lessons we can also apply to other relationships. It was a bonus for us. If you get the opportunity to attend any of those events it will definitely add value to your marriage.

Conflict:

‘A bit of healthy conflict shouldn’t scare us. It’s normal and often necessary.’

These are the four points we came away with from the marriage event:

'Don’t go to bed angry - stay up and fight!

Fight fair, but be courageous.

Discover a better way - Take your time; Talk it through and Trust one another

Choose to forgive'

“Forgiveness feels the pain, but doesn’t hoard it; it allows tomorrow to break free of yesterday. It is always hard. Sometimes foolish and, at its heart, God like… There is no hope for us without it.” — Rob Parsons (CEO, Care for the Family)

Marriage joins two individuals who should trust each other with their hearts. In getting married we are saying “I trust you” to our partner. We should then trust that our relationship is strong enough to deal with the difficult issues.

Conflict is one of the areas where marriages can come to a halt in the road.

Conflict is what ends many relationships.

If we understand that conflict is a natural part of any relationship and we learn techniques in how to communicate our needs effectively to each other, conflict can actually draw us closer together.

Conflict can be a good thing. We cannot avoid it but it doesn't have to negatively impact our marriage or other relationships.

Tip______: Develop your skills in effective communication and address the areas of conflict in your marriage so you can have a deeper more fulfilling relationship.

More in part 6 ~ Committed to the cause

Copyright 2018, Janice S. Ramkissoon

Note____All quotes are from the 'It Takes Two' Marriage event by Care for the Family. 

Part 1 ~ Conflict and that 'creeping separateness' | Part 2 ~ The Place of Prayer in Our Marriage | Part 3 ~ To Love and Cherish | Part 4 ~ The Power of Communication and Connection | Part 5 ~ Healthy Conflict - Fighting Fair | Part 6 ~ Commited to the Cause | Part 7 ~ Marriage and Parenting - Transferable Skills