The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
06/15/06
"We fail to lift our gaze and see the glorious abundance that God gives. We see and claim so little..."

Excellent truth. I might have set off the first sentence by placing it alone, as an attention-grabber. Minor. Well written.
I enjoyed this! Well-written and kept my attention all the way through. Good point.
06/16/06
Good finish. I don't think the phrase "as Christians" adds to the final paragraph.
Removing it makes it come across less preachy.
Not sure how the character didn't notice that "pungent smell" as soon as they went out the door. (I think the story would work a bit better with something other than onions.) Loved the distressed cat. Nice detail.
Not meaning to come across so critical, this was very good and a solid ending.
Immensely flavorful, and a joy to read! Wonderful descriptive details, such as the cats laying claim to the back lot, the father's gentle snore, the sea of onions in a rainbow of earth tones. I could sense the generous spirit of the household--a timeless lesson! Great stuff!
06/17/06
I love the conclusion - and the story is well done too. I have one lone onion (reddish coloured) sitting on top of the fridge right now, and next time I look at it, I'll remember the lesson you taught us. This would make a great short talk at church (what we used to call a 'Children's Talk, but which was often as memorable as the sermon, dare I say it) ... although think of the props?!!
06/19/06
A clever way to present the message. And, not only do we have an abundance of God's "onions" to enjoy, but we have the layers that each of those "onions" blesses us with. Good job.
06/21/06
What a wonderful lesson! I love the way you told a very interesting story, then gave us a great "kicker."