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TITLE: The Aged Traveler | Previous Challenge Entry
By Verna Cole Mitchell
02/03/16
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Weary and worn from traveling,
He now rests quietly.
In spite of needing special help
In order to get around,
He never lacked for assistance
From family and faithful friends
And sometimes even strangers.
So many places has he been,
He can’t recall them all.
He’s visited the relatives
And never missed occasion
Of their special celebrations.
He’s gone on many vacations
To sometimes the mountains
And sometimes the sea
And sometimes faraway countries.
He’s stayed in diverse locations
From canvas tents and cabins
To grand manors and castles
And hotels of every kind.
Varied has been his transport—
Cars and buses and speeding trains,
As well as gargantuan airplanes.
He’s numerous stories he might tell
Of the wonders he has seen
And the people he has met
During his younger days
When he was rolling about
From place to place.
He’s surely not so spry
As once he used to be,
And he’s wrinkles to mar
The smoothness of his face.
He spends his aging years,
Hidden away from prying eyes,
High up in the attic,
Along with the rest of the luggage.

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Member Comments

Member

Date

02/06/16

Ha! I loved the ah-ha moment, and then, of course, I went back for a reread to capture every bit of this Aged Traveler's journeys. This is my kind of humor. Fine poetic elements are in this whimsical poem, too. I especially appreciated your alliteration. I would have loved to have seen the wheels turning while you were writing this. :)

02/07/16

I agree... the aha moment was perfect. I never suspected that the traveler was a tag along piece of forgotten luggage.

Holly Westefeld

02/08/16

Cute. You definitely surprised me.

02/08/16

Very nice! What travels more than luggage? :-) Caught me offguard LOL

02/09/16

Hee hee. After I "got" it, I had to reread to enjoy all the details I had missed before I "got" it. Very clever. I enjoyed this.

02/10/16

So profoundly unique!

God bless~

02/11/16

I liked the unique perspective of this traveler. I didn't catch on until about the middle of this piece.

Well done!

Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom

02/12/16

Congratulations on ranking 29 overall. Happy Dance!

Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom

02/12/16

I think this is absolutely brilliant. Your POV is so fresh and refreshing. I bet there's not another story out there like this one. I've been told that personifying inanimate objects isn't everyone's cup of tea. I totally disagree. One of my favorite stories I've written was from the POV of a wave in the ocean. I thought it quite clever, yet it didn't do well at all for that same reason. Maybe I'm strange because I like things like that. I could easily picture a suitcase such as the one you describe and find myself wondering what stories it could tell. Just like a tsunami feeling bad because that's what God made him to be, not meaning to ever hurt anyone might be hard to wrap one's head around, I'd rather read something that takes me by surprise. I love twist endings. I did spot your clues, and caught on fairly fast, but still hung onto every word to see if I was right. (I thought at first it might be the family dog, but I think luggage is way more clever.) I also think it's brilliant as an analogy. We carry so much baggage and how easy would it be to hand that burden to Christ so it doesn't get marred or wrinkled or have to be dragged all over our internal worlds. The last line also speaks volumes about our metaphorical luggage. Again, brilliant writing (at least in my humble opinion! ;) ) Hugs.