Previous Challenge Entry (Level 4 – Masters)
Topic: Pros and Cons (08/14/14)
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TITLE: A Challenge for the Roman Umpire � or an Authentic Misrepresentation of Ancient History | Previous Challenge Entry
By Noel Mitaxa
08/20/14 -
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Were making strong demands
To the guards at the palace gate.
Their message could not wait.
“Bad news we must report higher,
For the imperial stables are afire!
A strong wind is blowing
With all the smoke going
Straight to the palace!”
“Alack and alas,”
Said the guards to the pair
“You must be aware
That that news is quite bad;
Even if you had
Not mentioned the fire!”
The two were rushed through
Without any clue
Of climactic events brewing -
Even threatening the Empire’s undoing.
Ushered in among the nobles,
They discovered much greater troubles
Than foul-smelling smoke.
Truly, this was no joke
All the Roman Who’s Who
Were there to review
What to make of the big news;
And unsure of how Octavius would choose.
But for them who would speak?
As they all felt too weak,
But then, wouldn’t you know,
Came the familiar voice of Cicero:
“Gaius Octavius
We need you to savius
From political paralysis
Through too much analysis.
The question in the Senate
Has many votes for, but as many agin it.
"Such entrenched division
Requires a decision.
Once issues were clear-cut,
But now every if and but
Is thrashed out in full.
Clear rulings just aren’t possible.
“Noble Julius has tripped
While fighting in Egypt.
Trapped by their Queen
Who should never be seen
Among Roman nobilities
For she shares not our sensitivities.”
Octavius inquired, “Did Julius seize her?”
“Yes,” they said, “and he still sees her!
You must repudiate!
It’s far too late
For any further hesitation
Or vacillation!
“Mark Antony has challenged his right to rule -
And he’s nobody’s fool.
But that’s not all…
“Reports from Gaul
(Not to be repeated)
Are that our army’s been defeated!
Which way should we go?
We all want to know.”
Octavius paced up and down;
His face wrapped in a frown;
Not speaking a word
Well, none that the stablehands heard.
Until he returned to his chair;
His hands still raised in the air;
And with a sigh of despair
He began to declare:
“Facing two equal-sized factions
I’ve weighed the pros and cons
And though I’ve tried,
I just can’t decide!”
Rocked,
Shocked,
Non-plussed
With disgust;
His audience began to disband
And to voice their demand
For a change in succession.
However much they implored,
Their cries were ignored.
And Octavius eventually became
The Emperor with the name -
A dismissive epithet
(You'll still hear it yet)
Of See-saw Augustus!
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HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
Thanks for the laugh. Well done.
God bless~
Please don't tell me we have a new punster...I don't think I could take them facing off in a war of puns. :)
But I have to admit I smiled throughout and laughed out loud once (only once). I did, however, groan out loud several times, and I imagine you were more going for those than the former.
Clever, clever work and manipulation of the (mostly) English language.
I almost never laugh at what you write
but my groans are a pure delight.
Like a Caesar who is past his prime, you murder the English language and replace it with sheer brilliance.
All for the sake of rhyming sounds,
And your grasp of ancient history,
Is such a wondrous mystery,
Yet your humor style,
Will always bring a smile.
It certainly did for me!
But what about the fire!? Did the palace burn?
Great work!
Clever and punny!
Thank you for the chuckle!
Oh.my!
You have so much pun with words!
Hilarious.