Previous Challenge Entry (Level 4 – Masters)
Topic: Write in the SCIENCE FICTION genre (05/10/07)
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TITLE: The Hungry Void Despairing Disease | Previous Challenge Entry
By Cassie Memmer
05/16/07 -
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planet which holds the answer, according to our ancients.”
“We can only hope. Esurient and Edacity are quickly descending into the same state
as Nihility. And I don’t know how much time you or I have left.”
Sisphyean maneuvered the ship into earth’s orbit. “Why are we born with this
condition?”
“That is the age old question, my friend. We must find the answer or our planet will
not survive. Somehow the empty space we are born with, this vacuum in the middle of
our brains, begins increasing in size bringing hopelessness, depression, until our
people reach the stage of voidness. As we will soon witness in Nihility if we don’t find
help.”
“How will we know when we’ve found the answer?”
“I’ve brought the noesis scanner with me. I’ll check us as we search. Are we ready to
translocate?”
“Yes, let’s shift.” Sisphyean and Paracelsus, invisible as their bodies transferred to
earth, materialized in a busy place. “These beings are much like us,” Paracelsus
observed. “Let’s go to this large building where many are entering.” The large letters
on the outside spelled W-A-L-M-A-R-T. “We’ll see if this harbors our solution.”
Inside were numerous beings gathering strange objects into baskets on wheels.
Sisphyean gaped at the abundance before him. “Surely our answer is here. Look!”
They walked the aisles, picked up things, and examined them. Each time Paracelsus
took his scanner and checked Sisphyean. Each time there was no change in the
vacant area of his brain. They exhausted the items in the large building and exited.
They walked the streets, seeking their cure. They entered a dark place where moving
pictures were displayed on the wall. In another building beings were rolling balls toward
ten units, getting loud if they missed or hit them. The scanner showed no changes.
“Let’s look in this place, Paracelsus.”
Entering, they found many beings dressed in white. Others, in small rooms, often
seemed uncomfortable. “Ah... this place is full of patients, doctors, and nurses. They
are in my profession. Perhaps they know how to remedy our condition.” Paracelsus
turned to a being in a long white coat. “Entity, I am a doctor also. I need data. Do you
find beings to have empty areas in the brain? If so, how do you fill it? How do you stop
the despairing disease?”
The doctor turned to the nurse’s desk. “Call security, get these fruitcakes out of here.”
They didn’t comprehend what fruitcakes were, but discerning the doctor’s tone, they
hurried to the exit.
They walked throughout the city, occasionally happening upon buildings with large
spires. “Let’s go in here,” Sisphyean said, as they approached a small white
establishment. The sign outside read, Bible Church.
“What is this place? What is church?”
They went through the double doors. Inside were beings sitting on long benches.
Some stood up front and were making various tones with their mouths. The sound was
most agreeable with Sisphyean and Paracelsus. They sat down.
Paracelsus got out his noesis scanner and skimmed over his friend’s head.
“Sisphyean, there is movement in your vacant area!”
“I have a strange feeling I don’t understand. It’s as if I’m hungry... but not for food.”
A single being stood up as the toners sat down. He spoke of a man who came from
heaven whose name was Jesus. He died on a cross for all mankind, that they might
live with hope for an everlasting life.
The earth’s visitors listened to the speaker. They had a peaceful feeling, yet
expectancy overcoming them. The scanner recorded activity in both their brains.
The entity up front said, “If you have believed what I’ve preached, then ask Jesus into
your heart. Let Him wash away your sins. Receive this blessed hope.”
Several beings walked forward. Sisphyean stood, “Let’s go.” They knelt at the wooden
structure as they’d seen others do and asked this Jesus into their heart. Joy, never felt
before, surged within them.
Paracelsus placed the scanner over his companion. “Sisphyean! Your void is gone!
It’s filled, energized!” He scanned his own head and found it the same. “The solution is
on this planet just as the ancients said. Our answer is Jesus! Hurry! Let’s take this
discovery to Nihility, Esurient, and Edacity. Then back to Lorantius. It’ll stop the spread
of the despairing disease, give our people hope!” And with a click of the scanner, they
disappeared.
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I thought it fizzled a bit toward the end...your solution, of course, needs to stay the same, but it became more "telling" than "showing."
Your alien's voices were perfect--just different enough to make them alien, but not so much as to make them a chore to read. Nice touch.
Oh and great message, too, of course!