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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 4 – Masters)
Topic: Writing (01/11/07)
“Hello honey. What? Oh the noise. It’s coming from the room next door.

Yeah. I think it’s a shriner’s convention or something.

Huh?

No I said shriner, shriiiiner,

Yeah like the Ray Stevens song. I think they even have a motorcycle in there… a motor, ah never mind. I was just trying to make a joke.

Yeah, I know… you think I’m the only one who thinks I’m funny.

Oh nothing. I just said uh- I’m lonely and it sure is sunny. Not a cloud in the sky.

Yeah, I’m getting a little writing done, but there’s not much free time between signings and meetings and… Uh, hey, sugar dumplin’? … It looks like I might have to stay on another day or two.

I’ll be home… Tuesday afternoon tops.

Yes…

no…

no…

Look, we’ve talked about this before. There’s no telling just how long these trips will take. It all hinges on the publishers. I can’t force them to make a quick decision. Besides, there’s a huge commission riding on this deal. You might even get that new dishwasher.

Yeah. I was going to surprise you with one for your birthday, but…

Now hold on just a…

now wait a…

you said you understood my…

Oh forget it.

Do what? Sure hand her the phone.

Hey sweetie. How’s my little pumpkin? You being a good little girl for mommy while daddy’s away?

Do what?

Yeah, it is kinda’ noisy.

I know… I don’t let you play your music loud, but it’s not my… Huh?

Yes pumpkin, I miss you too.

Yes pumpkin, I love you too.

And little Johnny too.

Yes, I love mommy too.

What?

Uh, yeah… and… God, too.

……..

Huh? No, I’m still here sweetheart, daddy was just thinking.

Say that again.

Yeah, I’m wearing my blue jacket. No, I haven’t. The inside pocket?

Sure, I found it. I have it right here. It… it’s a good picture, pumpkin.

Yeah, I can tell who they are, you draw real good. I bet you’re going to be an artist someday. Let’s see, there’s little Johnny holding mommy’s hand… and mommy is holding daddy’s hand… and daddy is holding your hand and let me see… are you holding scruffy’s tail?

Yeigh, I guessed them all, except… who is standing behind us smiling with one hand on mommy’s shoulder and one on daddy’s.

Oh, it’s grandma watching over us from heaven.

………..

No, daddy’s not… crying. I think I’ve just got the sniffles. Hold the phone away from your ear while I blow my nose.

Ok. Where’s mommy?

Well, when she gets little Johnny to sleep will you tell her I’m going to call back in about an hour. Ok?

Yes sweetie, I’m going to go do something about the noise and then I’ll call you back.

Yes pumpkin I’ll call before bedtime. I love you. Bye.

……

Hello, Yellow cab?

One of your drivers just dropped me off at Benny’s night club somewhere downtown. I think it’s on…

Yeah, that’s it, Ninth Street and Pine. Can you radio him to come back and pick me up?

As soon as possible.

No, no I’m not sick.

Yes, I did forget something… something very important.

No, no I didn’t leave it in the cab- or the hotel.

What I forgot is at home.”
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This article has been read 935 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Delores Baber
01/19/07
What a beautiful example of the impact of a message given with love. A picture's worth a thousand words and contained such a convicting reaction. Good writing.
Joanne Sher 
01/23/07
Very engaging, though I felt the topic was slightly peripheral. I love the end of this too - what a message!
Marilyn Schnepp 
01/23/07
Started out exciting, got bogged down for a while and then WOW...what a fantastic finish! Loved it! Great creative mind at work here; Kudos, my friend, Kudos!(little light on "WRiting" topic...but it'll do for me)
Marilee Alvey
01/24/07
You've captured the life of a road warrior very well: the chaos at home and the ache to be there. I was talking to an Olympic volleyball player yesterday at the airport and she said, "Believe it or not, all the places I travel, I like home the best. Yesterday my flight was cancelled and I was very glad not to have to go." I know what she means. I'm married to an airline pilot who prefers to be home. It's hard for wives, in the middle of the craziness, to imagine that their husbands long to come home. When my husband would return home, he'd want to eat at home. I'd want to go out to eat because I'd been closed up all week with the kids. You successfully captured the children, and the ache to come home. Good job of doing one sided dialogue, as well!
Crista Darr
01/25/07
Creative work showing a man's transformation through a one-sided phone conversation - Wow. I wish the hand on mom and dad's shoulders would have been Jesus' hand. :-) I especially love your line about him forgetting something "important". The way you revealed where he was through the call for the cab was brilliant.