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TITLE: If | Previous Challenge Entry
By Beth LaBuff
04/08/13
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If
The moon plunged from its orbit
And it splashed down in a lake,
Could
Its slosh bespatter Venus,
Cause the planet's poles to quake?

If
A telescopic failure
Had not Venus in its sight,
Could
The water spots from lunar splash
Have blocked reflected light?

What
Kind of retribution's fair
For Venus' lack of glow?
Could
Some confiscated moonbeams
Be repayment—quid pro quo?

If
The Astronomic Space Guild
Used an ion of prevention,
Could
The effort then impede and
Maybe stop the moon’s descension?

Could
Perhaps some nylon fishing line
Attached to lunar craters
Then
Suspend the Moon from Saturn’s rings
To force its orbit straighter?

Would
Our galaxy launch space police
And fine us many times
For
Our failure to maintain control
And reckless water crimes?

Would
We garner culpability
For saturated races?
Frankly,
Can’t the Venus masses
Stand a sploshing on their faces?

So,
Fair warning, Venus dwellers,
If you spot a lunar flash,
Seek
Some shelter in that instant
‘Cause you’re destined for a splash.

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Member Comments

Member

Date

Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom

04/11/13

I think this is great. You have a fun whimsical feel about it, but I also sent a deeper meaning underneath. I think this could be used as an allegory for many different platforms or it could just be delightful read that rolls off the lips. It's definitely an act of genius and totally delightful.

04/12/13

This is a challenging read. Every time you read it, you see something new in it. This is the kind of writing that withstands the test of time. Well done.

04/13/13

I think the true depth of this probably splashed right on past my understanding, but ironically I could picture this with whimsical drawings. It was a fun read.

04/15/13

I love your galactic pondering poem! Well done! But......
I had plans to move to Venus
If the moon unhooked and splashed,
But I'll have to reconsider,
Now that all my plans are dashed!
(Sorry - I couldn't resist that response!)

04/15/13

I like it! This kind of writing makes me want to go back and read it again and again! Good job.

04/16/13

Love this! Made me want to read it again, which I did! Love the flow. Good job! God bless!

04/16/13

This was so much fun, it must have been WAY too fun to write! Great job. Keep the joy and imagination coming.

Judith Gayle Smith-Owens Vitouswykegardinerclark

04/18/13

What fun! I love how you have the planets playing leapfrog!

04/18/13

Fun, fun and more fun! I loved this whole creative piece. God bless~

Fiona Stevenson

04/18/13

I just love the fun of this (but then I don't really believe in fun: life is serious, right?)and I bet your cheek is bulging full of tongue. God bless you and your pen.

Verna Cole Mitchell

04/18/13

Congratulations, Beth on EC. I knew it was wonderful, and I hoped the judges would see that right off. This made me laugh---and wish I had your imagination! Proud of you!

Sarah Elisabeth

04/18/13

This made me LAUGH OUT LOUD! You are such a master of witty poetry. Congrats on your EC!

04/18/13

What a fun, interplanetary take on "Splash"! You shine with science fiction, Beth. This was terrific.

04/18/13

I wonder if the other planets are jealous of the watery earth?
Great poem, Beth!

Christina Banks

04/19/13

Great poem, Beth. Congratulations on your EC!

04/20/13

I am amazed again at yet another
unique and cleverly written poem on this weeks topic. The judges must have been beside themselves- perhaps wishing for an availability of a few more EC slots. Splendid job!

Judith Gayle Smith-Owens Vitouswykegardinerclark

04/21/13

Congratulations!

Claudia Thomason

04/23/13

This is a great piece which I enjoyed reading and re-reading. Was fun to read out loud to the kids as well. Congratulations on EC.

Lisa Mikitarian

04/30/13

Your work is always original, and spectacular--really out of this world:).

Barbara Caldwell

10/26/13

You did a great job with this poem. I could hardly wait to get to the next line.