The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
11/13/08
Lovely entry. It gave me goosebumps. So many memories are stored in the older generations minds. My favorite part was when she started to say the Pledge of Allegiance. Very nice:)
11/15/08
Such a lovely, sentimental piece.

I didn't find the first paragraph to be very "hooky." I might have started with them already in the attic looking through things, and perhaps woven the reason into the story elsewhere. That might have grabbed me more readily.

Very nice job of characterization for both characters.
This is a very sweet story. I found the first paragraph hard to believe. A project like that would be huge, taking a long time and needing to be started long before the movers were coming. Once they started going through the things, it was very believable and touching.
11/17/08
What a sweet story! The first paragraph is a little awkward; it may have been better to skip it all together and just show them going through the boxes, working the reason into the conversation. The memories and descriptions were fantastic. (And I still want to know who is the "baby boy".) Great job!
So sad her Paul never made it home. This is a very well written, heart touching piece. Great job!
11/20/08
Very sad when a loved-one loses recall of the past events, but in this case, memories are brought back by objects, objects that mean nothing to (in this case, the daughter) but everything to the elderly. Touch and smell especially are good things to bring back to the mind an event that meant a lot at one time...This is a sad story. I agree with some of the other commenters that the story could have begun at the second paragraph, working in the reason for going through the attic things during the rest of the story...Nevertheless, a good story, leaving a feeling of sadness for days gone by...Helen
Your items in the attic tie the memories of your story together beautifully, the last the saddest of all. Well done.