The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 2737 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
11/30/06
Great atmosphere. Great characters. great dialogue. Great transition. Loved it! (Loved Kara) :)
11/30/06
I adored the transformation, and that you allowed it to develop slowly. This story was very real, and your characters were extremely believable. Great ending too!
12/01/06
(This is my second comment - lost the connection right after hitting 'submit' - grrr.)

As I said, I really liked the way this angry teen finishes up almost with a 'Dr Seuss' way of speaking, showing her return to the simplicity of a life lived properly.

Great writing. Well done!
12/01/06
Wonderful characterization of both main characters--particularly Kara. I'm the sister of a Down's Syndrome young man, and you've captured those speech patterns and personality characteristics perfectly without ever specifying Kara's disability.

This is just a suggestion, because there's absolutely nothing wrong with the way you've chosen to write this...but something to consider. Since the "narration" parts of this are obviously written with Andrea's sarcasm and personality, would you consider re-doing it in first person? Just see if it has even more impact that way?

I really, really liked this a lot...super character development in very few words. Masterful.

12/04/06
Sucj chamge in heart can only e the workings of God.. another excelant view of His mighty hand in every day life. Such vision.. Very well done.
12/04/06
I LOVE this piece! Your character development is excellent. The dialogue perfect. It makes you visualize both characters. I too would like to see it done in the first person. Awesome job! Blessings, Cheri
12/04/06
I love a change of heart story and this one was very good. A favorite description: “..the child slipped her short fingers into Andrea’s hand…” What a wonderful way of showing instead of telling the reader a little more about Kara.
12/05/06
Very nice. Very heartwarming characters and I agree that you let them develop at a natural pace. Well done! Thanks for sharing this
As someone who's worked alot with special ed kids, I really appreciated this. Good job!
12/05/06
This was a very creative story. I would never have thought to show an unwilling volunteer! I think you've captured this angst-ridden teen very well. Good job!
12/05/06
I really enjoyed this peek into a heart that was being molded by God. This was a great reminder of His ability to use the "bad" things in our life to bring about the changes He desires. Thanks!
12/06/06
Great stuff here. I love it. From the characters to the dialogue, excellent job. God bless.
12/06/06
Loved this story! So 'heartfelt' and childlike almost in setting. I really enjoyed reading this. Your characters were great, I liked Kara especially. I think the title could have been a little more creative though-just a thought-if it wasn't as a brick, I probably wouldn't have read it. I'm glad I did though! :)
Love it! What a terrific story. Ungrateful Andrea and sweet, forgiving Kara. Well done.