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TRUST JESUS TODAY

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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: FAITH (strong, confident belief in God) (02/26/15)
'Th-ough I walk thr-ou-gh the valley of the sha-dow of DEATH... I will fear NO evil.'

I keep declaring this out loud. The sweat cascades from my face and the tears mingle with the sweat. I hate to acknowledge fear but I am bricking it. My mouth stinks of vomit residue and I have not slept for another night. Stealing a glance at the clock I wince:2.25am

In eight hours I undergo a scan to check if I have testicular cancer.

Four weeks ago I started to feel a slight swelling around my groin. At first I thought nothing of it. I am used to having a severe heat rash around that area atleast once a year. My friends joke that I look like a penguin the way I waddle as walking is painful.

When my trusted friend, Caneston Duo (cream and tablet), did not clear up the problem, we knew something was not as it should be. I was cajolled into seeing my doctor, who took one look and said 'I will make an appointment with the hospital to get this checked out.' I feel unfaithful to my wife but I told her there was nothing wrong. Why do men wrongly feel they have to protect the ones we love from pain? I am sure my wife still thinks something is not as it should be.

Three days ago the letter arrived and for the last three days I have been feeling unwell. Before the letter arrived I was able to think It’s nothing, but the letter has made it real and frightening.

What if I have cancer? I don't want to leave a young family. It’s amazing the fear and doubt you suffer when faced with possible mortality. I wish I had told my wife, but I didn't want to destroy her annual Easter church camp. She takes the kids while I stay at home and look after the business. I think she knows my faith is not what it used to be. I used to go with her each year but my desire to be around Christians 24/7 has greatly reduced.

I hate lying to her when she rings each evening, but how can I tell her that everything is not fine? We have been married ten years and have a boy and girl, six year old twins. We lost a boy at birth two years ago. I guess that's when I started to lose my faith. I blamed God for letting my little boy die.

As long as my wife does not mention God, we are a happily married couple, but I know she misses our discussions on faith. She knows I don't blame her for the death of our son and I”ve been there to help, and for support, and to cry on when she needed to. Unfortunately I just got bitter towards God. I know no one was at fault; he was just not strong enough to survive.

Feeling too unwell and stressed to drive,I catch the bus to my appointment. I wish I was not on my own. As I sit down I notice what looks like a leaflet on the floor, and I pick it up. As I read the scripture tract, my eyes start to mist up.


Psalm 119v153NLT Look upon my suffering and rescue me,
for I have not forgotten your instructions.
v154 Argue my case; take my side!
Protect my life as you promised.

Why is it Lord that you shine through my darkest places in the strangest of places.

Psalm 120v1NLT I took my troubles to the Lord;
I cried out to him, and he answered my prayer.

psalm 121v7NLT The Lord keeps you from all harm
and watches over your life.
v8 The Lord keeps watch over you as you come and go,
both now and forever.

Dear God, I am so sorry for not having the faith to trust you. I am sorry for not believing your promises for my life. Jesus thank you, for dying on the cross for my sins and illnesses. I leave this whole situation, in Your merciful hands. Lord! I am coming back to you.

I ring my wife and tell her everything. We pray together for the first time in over a year. After the phone call I feel the burden lifting.

Hello, I am here for my 10.30 am appointment.

***

Author’s note:

Psalm 23 KJV
Psalm 119 & 121 new living translation
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This article has been read 583 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
C D Swanson 
03/05/15
Powerfully written! This had an authentic tone, and if so...I pray things worked out for all parties, and it wasn't TC.

I really appreciated the internal thoughts, dialogue and struggle. It was well done.

God bless~
Joanne Sher 
03/11/15
I wonder if this is non-fiction. It surely read that way. Well done, regardless!
alan kane
03/11/15
It is actually fiction but could easily be true to some.

I intend to do a mini series.

Alan
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
03/12/15
I really enjoyed this. You did a great job of developing the character. I liked the internal dialog. My heart aches for the MC. Be careful about being consistent with the tense and voice. Overall, I think you did a great job. It's a fresh take on the topic. There have been other stories similar with having faith through a illness but you made it stand out with an interesting character and a great pacing.
Judith Gayle Smith-Owens Vitouswykegardinerclark
03/12/15
I was ribbeted to your story as well. Having a wonderful hubby that has everything but TC - a lot of prayer, faith, hope and courage wrapped up here. Great job!