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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: Write in the POETRY genre (05/17/07)
His shoulders droop
His head hangs low
He must regroup
She causes woe

Ninety or two
He hurts inside
He has a clue
Control denied

His discontent
From malcontent
Must reinvent
Encouragement

For self-esteem
More confidence
To make him beam
Give praise immense

She loves him so
She worries much
To really grow
He needs no crutch

He’ll sometimes fail
He’s not so frail
He will prevail
Her fears curtail

It’s hard to watch
He can go wrong
Another botch
Will make him strong

He loves her best
She is so blessed
She gets no rest
It makes her stressed

She needs His help
She needs it now
He hears a yelp
Sees furrowed brow

Encourage him
Together pray
On just a whim
Together play

It is so hard
He is so young
While she is scarred
He has just sprung

She wants the best
She is obsessed
She can suggest
She does protest

But he is he
And not like thee
No guarantee
That he’ll agree

He grew so fast
He earned his due
They had a blast
And with Him too

But all too soon
Her boy is man
His opportune
Is in Japan

He has her heart
He always will
With Him impart
His fate fulfill

Her dusk it comes
Their visits crumbs
So she succumbs
To planting mums

Her shoulders droop
Her head hangs low
She must regroup
He causes woe

He says do this
He says not that
She is remiss
It’s not low-fat

So how did he
Turn into she
No longer she
Be telling he

He mothers her
She doesn’t like
Their roles a blur
They seem alike

So precious he
Upon her knee
So joyful she
Remember we?

Love each other
Mother other
But don’t smother
One another

And so they learned
That love is earned
Love is concerned
Some yearned some spurned

And through the maze
With Him she stays
Lots to amaze
Her faith ablaze

And she goes first
To see His face
He’ll quench her thirst
With His embrace

And then one night
Then he goes too
They reunite
Oh what a view!






Comments, critiques, & tips welcome. Thanks.
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Member Comments
Member
Date
Jacquelyn Horne
05/24/07
A walk through the life of mother and son. Seems a little choppy, but I don't know a lot about some forms of poetry. The message stands out, however.
Julie Arduini
05/25/07
I enjoued this very much. That third stanza just shines, that was my favorite. Great message!
Rhonda Clark
05/25/07
I like the transition of the son having to mother his mother. I did have a bit of trouble following along--but poetry isn't my thing.
Benjamin Graber
05/29/07
Here is a tip:
When you use lines that are so short, with an abab rhyming scheme, the rhymes sound very sing-songish. This is great if the poem is geared towards kids, or if you are shooting for humor, but I wasn't sure if that was your goal.
Keep up the good work!