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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: GOING HOME (from vacation) (09/03/15)
The Metamorphosis


There are moments in our lives that seemed so destined by God, that even the hardest of hearts are impacted, and the deafest of ears are opened. That was the case with me.

It all happened in a split second on our vacation trip home. I had cut short the time we had at my parents due to a call from work to come back and 'save the day.' Of course, I had to go. A lot of money was at stake and my boss needed me, what could I say?

As we said quick goodbyes, Annie, my seven-year-old sat in the back seat holding a jar with a cocoon in it, given to her by her grandmother. She was crying, not understanding at all why we had to leave.

Peter, my nine-year-old wouldn't talk to me, and the face of my husband, Dave, said loud and clear how he felt.

I turned the radio on, looking for something to change the atmosphere of the car. As the music played I heard Annie call out between sniffles.

“Mommy, can you put some Jesus music on?” she asked. I felt Dave looking at me.

“Not now, honey, it's packed away,” I hoped I wasn't opening a can of worms. Dave and the kids had been attending a local church for the past year, and there was way too much talk about religion. It was fine for them, but I didn't need it.

Annie started crying again.

Suddenly, a flash of lightening filled the car, and a torrential downpour ensued. Thunder seemed to make a physical presence it was so loud.

Dave turned the radio off.

“Let's pull over at the next rest stop.” His voice carried a note of anxiety.

“I want the radio on, Dave. I can get a forecast that way,” I spoke irritatedly and turned the radio back on.

Annie started crying harder. The storm intensified.

“Annie, honey, it's O.K. Jesus is with us, even in the storm,” Dave spoke to reassure her.

“Meghan, please pull over. Let's wait this storm out,” Dave asked again.

I answered impatiently. “As soon as. . .”

I never finished my sentence. A bolt of lightening struck almost on top of us, and I jerked the wheel of the car. It took us over the middle line, into oncoming traffic. The sound of smashing metal, of windows shattering, and your children screaming is something I would not wish on anybody.

A minute later I lay face down in mud. Except for passing cars, it was silent, and the silence was chilling. I couldn't even call out to my family. I'd never felt so helpless in all my life. I've heard of people saying 'my life passed before my eyes', but unless you experience something like this, it means nothing. The terror of not being able to get to my kids, not knowing if Dave was dead or alive, was indescribable.

Suddenly, I felt a warm hand on my shoulder.

“Dave?” I quickly asked.

But no one was there. The clouds began to part and the rain stopped. I could see rays of the setting sun banishing the darkness, and literally enveloping us, like we were being held in the hands of God himself.

Then I saw something else, something I will never forget as long as I live. The most beautiful butterfly I have ever seen. That had to be Annie's butterfly, wings outstretched, it landed right before my eyes. Inches away from my face, it rose up again and landed on my shoulder, right where I felt someone touch me. To say I cried was an understatement. I bawled like a baby. God was here with us, just like Dave had said. He was here through the storm.

In that second, I knew we would be O.K., and I was being given a second chance.

Paramedics were at the scene, and we were all taken to the nearest hospital. My kids and Dave were released the next day, and I went home a week later. My hip never completely mended, and I walk with a limp to this day. It was a small price to pay for chance to start over, and start with Jesus.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

“Mommy, can you put on the Jesus music?” I hear Annie hollering from the next room.

“You bet sweetie. That's my favorite.”

Fiction
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This article has been read 671 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Noel Mitaxa 
09/13/15
Wow! You have captured the drama and drawn us into it with a measure of restraint that resonates with authenticity. Loved your title too.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
09/14/15
You did a great job. I loved how you introduced the conflict right at the beginning. Then another conflict a paragraph in helped build the suspense even more. The only red ink I would offer would be to stay away from clichés like bawling like a baby, hardest of hearts, deafest of ears. You do such a brilliant job in picking great words, I think it would be more powerful to describe your crying in your own words, showing how it builds from a whimper and cresendoes into a sobbing plea. The other thing is tiny too. Okay is spelled out or two capitals with no periods, OK. I think this is a powerful story. I love how God allows storms to rage in order to bring his children home. It's one of my favorite quotes: Sometimes, God calms the storm, but sometimes he let's the storm rage and calms his child. Your story could be the behind the scenes description of that saying. It was paced perfectly and was a delightful read.
Hannah Gaudette
09/17/15
Love the title! Congratulations many times over!
Bea Edwards 
09/21/15
Your description rang true, especially for anyone who has experienced a major car wreck. That's part of what makes you a great writer.

I also liked how you tied in the daughters cocoon to mom's epiphany.

Well done!