Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: Staff (01/31/13)
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TITLE: The Meeting | Previous Challenge Entry
By Wesley Hesketh
02/03/13 -
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ADD TO MY FAVORITES
to find some peace of mind.
The emptiness of my world of love
is the only thing I find.
As I travel 'round and 'round
darkness is all I see.
As I stumble through my life
what will become me?
Tomorrow's creeping past me
I rush into the sun.
I hear the one that I must find
is the Holy One.
I search up and down each street
look behind every door.
But I cannot find the One
that I'm looking for.
Seeking the right answer
I was told that I must pray.
Trying as hard as I might
I didn't know what to say.
Again alone I was walking
eyes cast to the ground.
Music played upon my ears
a Mission I had found.
This could be a solution
to the state I was in.
A man standing at the door
beckoned me, “Come in.”
He put his arm around me
showed me to a seat.
“just listen to the message
if it's God you want meet.”
He noticed my heavy sadness
the state that I was in.
He said to find my way back home
just confess my sin.
I told him I'd never done that
this thing they called a prayer.
And who should I pray to
someone who isn't there?
He cried, “He's always with us,
the one that we called God.”
I tried to speak just one word
it made me feel so odd.
He smiled and said he'd help me
and began to pray.
It was like some magic
the words just came his way.
He said Jesus would help me
Shepard, staff in hand.
He was there to carry
the burdens of every man.
The warmth that came through me
like none I'd ever felt.
Joy begun to fill my soul
As on my knees I knelt.
The meeting finally over
he bid me go my way.
He said to pray as needed
I'd find the words to say.
Now I feel He's with me
the One who was always there.
I'll never be alone again
this life of mine He'll share.
If the sin that's on you head
is driving you insane.
He'll come help you ease your mind
just call out His Holy name.
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You switched tense a bit, from present to past, which leaves the reader slightly disoriented, and the topic is only slightly touched upon.
I like the ABCB rhyme scheme, which is easier on the reader than ABAB.