The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
02/22/07
I loved this story! Both main characters came alive for me with the vivid descriptions and dialogue. I especially liked the "puff puff" and "thunk thunk" to describe Allister's running. I could just hear him--and I could also just see the narrator flying after him in her pink jogging outfit and with her bundle of gray hair.

The colorful title (with its personal name and alliteration) also grabbed my interest right away.

A chilling climax, with a powerful message about priorities. Beautifully done!
Great title! Your descriptions and characterizations are vivid!
02/26/07
Aww! I liked the MC, and enjoyed the story, especially the descriptions. I was kinda sad that Allister never took her up on the offer though. Poor guy. Very well told. ^_^
02/27/07
Great title with wonderful meaning--caught my attention right off. Your story also did not disappoint with its believable characters. They both came alive on the page--nice job.