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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Day and Night (07/10/14)
“OK everybody quiet down” shouted the young man standing in front of the semi circle of his peers, “we have a lot to talk about tonight.” The group of twenty five teens eventually quieted themselves and turned their attention to their friend Danny; the President of the UMYF. “Let’s be in an attitude of prayer.”

This Wednesday night, as he did many Wednesday nights; Danny Sullivan was in charge of the teaching. His message was entitled “Walking the Fence.” “Luke 16:13 says,” he began as he opened the black, leather bound Bible “No servant can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money.” Effortlessly the words of his teaching flowed eloquently from his lips, “Jesus says that we cannot have one foot in the world and one foot in heaven.” Danny straddled a pillow which represented the fence between the two realms. “So many Christians cannot commit and they end up walking the fence” he jumped onto the pillow “stepping to either side at their convenience.”

As Danny’s seemingly well prepared presentation went off without a hitch. “Jesus is telling us” Danny began to close his teaching as he continued to stand on the pillow “that we cannot walk the fence, that we will eventually choose one side or the other. Ask yourself this week “Who is your Master, the world or God”; I choose God.” Danny vigorously jumped to the right side of the pillow which had represented heaven as he closed his message. The meeting ended; the youth group headed back into their own worlds until next Wednesday.

“My God would you look at her!” exclaimed one of the teenage boys that had gathered around Danny’s locker as they always did before, during, and after school.

“Who is that?” chimed in another of the brood, “I would love to…” the hormonally induced, explicit, raunchy, and often illicit remarks that followed were hurled across the hallway and landed upon the innocent ears of the attractive, black haired freshman who the group of six, crude, hormonally challenged boys had targeted.

Defensively and ashamedly mentally injured young girl pulled her books up to cover her chest as if to somehow prevent the boys’ vivid and perverse imaginations from seeing through her clothing to her body. As she began to hurriedly walk away from the boys she snapped her head around sharply; her tear filled, frightened, and angry, eyes tried to lock onto the eyes of each of the boys. Her mind quickly downloaded a snapshot of each of her mental assailants for her personal records. The group of boys continued to hurl sexually abusive words down the hallway as they pursued their prey. Her heart fluttered with relief as the sign for the woman’s restroom came into view; she would be safe there she thought. Once again she quickly glanced back at her pursuers; her mind subconsciously calculated the distance between the boys and safety. “I am going to make it” her mind had concluded.

Suddenly the young girl stopped as she reached the door of the restroom; something else had registered in her subconscious. She looked one last time at the group of boys who continued to throw suggestive comments at her. “Danny Sullivan” her lips silently spoke as she recognized the last of her assailants.
Danny slowed as he watched his name move across her lips; he lifted his eyes to meet hers and suddenly recognized the young freshman he and his boys had been assaulting. Her name was Lori she was new to the school. He recognized her from the youth group; she had been sitting directly in front of him the night before. A sudden wave of guilt rushed through his veins as he remembered his teaching from the night before; Lori had her eyes wide open, he remembered that she looked to be hanging on his every word.

“Hey Danny” she shouted as loudly as possible “who is your master?” She ducked into the safety of the woman’s restroom as the question made its way across the hallway.

“Who is my master?” Danny took a long second to search his heart for the answer. He had lived this double life for a very long time; Christian at night when he was at home, at church and Fleshian during the days while at school or with his friends.

“Who is my master?”
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This article has been read 598 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Lynda Schultz 
07/17/14
Perhaps a little overdone on the adjectives, particularly in the paragraph describing the verbal assault on Lori, but otherwise an excellent story with a vital lesson taught. Good work. I'd never heard the word "Fleshian" before, but it certainly is a good one.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
07/21/14
I think this is a brilliant allegory about light and darkness. Oh how often we can be one person by day, yet totally different at night. It's a great take on the metaphorical and literal take on the topic.

The biggest suggestion I would offer would be to start off with the teasing. In today's world, where another story is just a click away, it's vital to start with an attention-grabbing line. Your school scene would be perfect to open, then she could recall when she sees Danny.

Also, you may want to double check some of the punctuation rules. Things like a light-haired girl need a hyphen. The rules about quoting and proper punctuation can be difficult to remember too. I have a thread on the Open Forum of the message boards called Grammar links that I need to refer to on a regular basis.

I loved your message. Bullying is way too commonplace. I like that she was brave enough to confront him. I also liked how she studied their faces. It made it suspenseful. I wasn't sure if she was committing them to memory so she could retaliate or pray for them. Your story offers an alternative solution than the sad ones we hear about on the news. There is nothing more we can do than pray. Great piece.
C D Swanson 
07/21/14
Wow! This was an amazing piece in its message. It kept me riveted from beginning to end.

This piece brings a myriad of truths forward, starting with hypocrisy. Sadly, too often many people are guilty of "public angel" while preaching and then don't walk the walk when it gets down to the nitty gritty.

I found this a fascinating and well written entry that I hope gets the judges attention.

God bless~
Phillip Cimei
07/22/14
Wonderful story that makes us all think about those times we see our brothers or sisters in similar hypocritical situations.

Well written and to the point.

This message is so powerful and relevant to not only our young people, but also our seasoned brethren.

Peter can testify to this.
Sheldon Bass 
07/22/14
Excellent portrayal of the choice we must each make. You did a good job with this. Keep up the good work.
Larry Whittington
07/23/14
This was a very good story to illustrate a point.

The point is that we each and all have to answer that question to ourselves now. If we don't do it now, we will on the day of judgement.

Very well written. We all need to keep our heart in heaven and our eyes in his word.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
07/25/14
Congratulations on ranking 6th in your level. The highest rankings can be found on the message boards.