Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Day and Night (07/10/14)
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TITLE: Being faithful | Previous Challenge Entry
By Ken Grant
07/14/14 -
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“Thank you precious Lord for these people,” Paul prayed as a morning benediction before slowly rising to his feet. He was sore and tired, but night and day he had to be about the business that his Father required of him.
Paul walked outside into the oppressive heat. The sun seemed to enjoy beating down upon his head and his body groaned in protest.
“Mr. Paul, Mr. Paul,” A young boy with bright brown eyes rushed over.
Paul knelt down and the boy ran into his arms.
“Are you going to tell us more stories about Master Jesus today?”
“I am, Jonathon, I am.”
“Don’t start without us.”
“I won’t.”
“You promise?”
“I do.”
“Thank you, Mr. Paul.”
Paul watched Jonathon run off. He hoped one day that Jonathon would be able to go to school, but for now daily existence took priority. Still, that meant that the Bible was his textbook and he was Jonathon’s teacher. The weight of that responsibility was heavy upon him. This yolk seemed to be a heavy burden, but Paul took it by faith that it wasn’t so. He had just enough energy to make it through the day.
Paul knelt down and prayed, “Night and day my life is yours, Lord. You have given me this small flock to watch over and care for and I am giving my life for them just as you did so many years ago.”
As he looked up the sun seemed to relent just the slightest bit. He stood to his feet with just a little more strength. His body groaned just a little bit less.
“And there was evening and there was morning, the first day,” Paul spoke from memory.
The God of all creation made each of these precious people. Darkness and light are all the same to him. Paul’s mind spun as he considered the beauty beneath the surface all around him.
“Mr. Paul.”
Paul turned to see Jonathon’s grandmother coming toward him. She was the matriarch of the village.
“Miriam,” Paul bowed and took her hands in his.
“How do you do it, Mr. Paul?”
“How do I do what?”
“How do you keep going day and night?”
“I don’t understand.”
“You don’t fool me. Your body is very tired. You rise slowly and walk even slower. You are becoming an old man before my eyes.”
“My savior said that the greatest love I can have is to lay down my life for my friends. You are my friends and I am willingly giving you my life. Night and day I lay it down for all of you.”
“You think us worthy of such an honor?”
“My savior did and so I do as well.”
“Come rest a while. I love to hear you tell your stories of Jesus.”
Paul followed Miriam to where she had prepared tea and a simple breakfast. Paul’s day had begun. The pain of his body was overcome by his joy at being about the work that God had called him to do. He sat down, sipped his tea, ate a piece of bread and began a story. He loved to tell stories of Jesus and Miriam loved to listen.
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You did well to include both the young and old.
I am concerned about the length of time Paul has been in this setting. At times it appears he has been present a good length of time but at others it seems he has just recently come upon the scene. ... but keep writing. This may not really matter.
I noticed some tiny things. I think you meant yoke not yolk. I also noticed some spots where commas should be used. There are a couple of threads on the message boards that will help with that. Check the Open Forum under Jan's Writing Basics and Some Grammar Links. If you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask.
Your piece had a clear, powerful message. You nailed the topic in a fresh and interesting way.
God bless~