The Official Writing Challenge
BACK TO
CHALLENGE
MAIN
INSTRUCTIONS
how it works
submission rules
guidelines for
choosing a level
ENTRIES
submit your entry
read current entries
read past entries
challenge winners
Our Daily Devotional HERE
Place it on your site or
receive it daily by email.


TRUST JESUS TODAY

  • Share
  • how it works
  • Submit
Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: The Family Home (05/29/08)
The Ol’ Water Pump


On this sweltering afternoon, it’s the first thing you notice as you walk into the backyard. Painted a bright fire-engine red, the ol’ water pump is mounted on a large gray cement slab. It looks like a king sitting regally upon his throne declaring his importance over all the land. This is probably a true description of the water pump considering there is no plumbing in the house. This water pump is a vital lifeline for the family.

“Klink, clang, klink, clang,” sings the white tin drinking cup in a sudden gust of wind, its long slender red handle chained to a rusted metal pole. The ringing noise of the cup against the pole is in stark contrast to the silence, which just a moment before, was prevalent on this listless, humid afternoon.

“Purr, Purr, Purr,” sighs the sleeping cat curled up in a dry area on the cement slab. Hardly a creature is stirring…definitely not the cat nor the dog lying in the wet dirt next to the pump. The only activity is a dragon fly hovering around the cat’s head.

The water for the pump is fed by a spring that can be faintly heard churning underground during this typical dog-day of summer. The ice cold water that gushes forth from the squeaking pump is refreshingly delicious. It is a clean, crisp taste free from modern-day chemicals. The water is frigid, one must sip the water slowly with lips curled around sensitive teeth or the freezing water will shock the teeth.

No matter how miserably hot the day may become, there is always the comfort of crawling up on the cool cement slab surrounding the water pump. Erosion, due to years of constantly dripping water, has caused the slab to sink in the middle. There is always a delightful pool of water in the sunken area…enough water to refresh burning feet.

A small round metal trough sits on the ground to the right of the pump. This beat up old tub has served next to the royal water pump for years, a servant who ministers daily to the needs of its owners. Even though there are sharp, rusty edges on the rim that are a hazard and the tub has seen better days, just like the ol’ pump, it is invaluable to the family. This is the summer bathtub, as well as swimming pool and laundry basin. As a result of being in one place for eons of time, the tub is now a permanent fixture as it sinks many inches into the ground.

The wet ground is bare for several feet around the water pump since the grass has long been trampled from years of faithfully fetching water. The slimy mud is another delightfully cool place to squish hot toes.

I lived with my grandparents until I was five years old and the water pump is one of my strongest memories. Even though all the neighbors had plumbing, it was a luxury my grandparents couldn’t afford. In an era of modern conveniences, I tend to glamorize that water pump. I’m sure for my grandparents, it involved a lot of work transporting the water into the house every day, possibly several times a day. The Midwest winters must have made the chore more tedious. And yet as a young child, the ol’ water pump provided hours of entertainment for me and my sister. This is my salute to good memories during difficult times.
The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
If you died today, are you absolutely certain that you would go to heaven? You can be right now. CLICK HERE

JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.
This article has been read 1258 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
BOB BLACKMAN
06/06/08
Wonderfully descriptive. This piece was a delight to read; the sounds, textures, and sights were felt in every sentence. Excellent writing.
Gregory Kane
06/07/08
Wonderfully evocative of a long past world. I particularly liked the way you used your closing paragraph to put everything in contact.
By the way I live in Mozambique where most people do their ablutions in much the same way as described in your story. Except here it’s rarely cold.
Joshua Janoski
06/07/08
Wow. You managed to take something simple and boring like a water pump and make it exciting and fun to read about. Your descriptions are awesome.

At first I was having a struggle making a connection to this week's topic, but by the end, it all fit together nicely.

One of the better written pieces that I have read so far in intermediate this week. I appreciate you sharing.
Joshua Janoski
06/08/08
I thought I should clarify something for the other people who read my comment above on this entry.

When I said this is one of the "better" entries this week in intermediate, I didn't mean it as though the other entries aren't as good. I just really liked this entry a lot. It stood out to me, but that doesn't mean that the other entries are poor.

I just wanted to make that clarification. :)
Helen Murray
06/09/08
I really enjoyed how the waterpump was used to identify the difficulties of the life of the grandparents, and contrasted that with delightful memories. Masterful.
Catrina Bradley
06/10/08
Great job - you made a simple water pump interesting! Lovely writing.
Helen Dowd
06/10/08
I lived with my grandparents until I was five years old and the water pump is one of my strongest memories....I think you should have started your story with this sentence, and then built the rest of it around the pump. To me it was a nostalgic memory--that ol'water pump. (I remember it well--or one like it.) I would like to have seen more "showing",than "telling" in this story. I am sure as you develope your writing you will learn how to do this. eg., I would have liked to have felt the mud squishing through my toes, rather than have been told that THAT is what happened. I would have liked to HEAR the kitty purr, rather than....well, I am sure you get the point. Please don't get me wrong. I enjoyed your story....Helen
Aaron Morrow
06/10/08
Beautifully written and a real clinic on descriptive writing.

I really enjoyed this entry, though I'm not sure the explanation was necessarily required at the end because the pump descriotion is so genuinely effective alone.

The dovetail to topic could might have been included within the context of the story rather than as standalone.

Wonderful job! Keep 'em coming, this was a joy to read!
Marilyn Schnepp 
06/11/08
Wow! What a delightful and descriptive story you have made out of an 'ole object that moreorless might be considered a rather "ho hum...boring type" subject. You've written it so beautifully that I can picture it myself, and even hear the dragon fly, feel the mud ooze between my toes and taste the cool, cold spring water. Very nice job and a great read! Kudos!
Tim Pickl
07/26/08
That ol' water pump is life to this fmaily, like the Spirit of God is to the Christian! Excellent story.
+++
You have a God-given gift!
Check it out:
http://www.faithwriters.com/article-details.php?id=84043