Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: The Family Pet (05/15/08)
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TITLE: The Battle | Previous Challenge Entry
By Carol Wiley
05/22/08 -
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My heart thrilled at the sight of a majestic Great Blue Heron gliding in for a landing by our biggest pond. My daughters’ voices held excitement as they came to look at this unusual event. My teacher mind kicked in, ready to jump on this opportunity to watch nature up close. We headed upstairs so we could get a closer look, being careful to keep our voices low, so we didn’t scare him away. We smiled at each other as we watched him walk around the edge and get a drink out of our pond.
“NO!” exploded from us all at the same time.
Anger and disbelieve filled us. As one we turned and thumped down the stairs, with our battle cry sounding. Grabbing a broom as we charged through the kitchen, I armed myself to protect. We shot out the back door yelling and screaming with our hearts thumping, sure that the four of us could get that stupid bird to fly away. It was, after all, our special Koi fish he was attacking and none of us felt lacking in courage to tackle the enemy.
Zigging and zagging on the hill we boldly tried to scare the bird off, but he was determined to thwart our every effort. He dodged the broom and ignored our flailing arms and loud shouts. The ruthless bird kept picking up the fish and then dropping them. Our hearts sank in the realization that he wasn’t going to be scared off easily. He managed to pick up our biggest and favorite Koi, Beaker, who was trained to do amazing tricks. Frantic, we tried to up our efforts to save Beaker. Our scared and angry shouts rang out.
“Hit him with the broom!”
“He’s over there, get him!”
“Stop him!”
“Get OUT of here!”
“Go away!”
Finally, the bird dropped Beaker half way down the hill and shot off. Beaker, stabbed and scraped up, had been left to die. Amidst cries of fear and relief we rushed to get him and put him in a pail of pond water. Quickly, medicine was added to the water to help heal his wounds.
Beaker had survived. We had won the battle. We felt victorious.
Little did we know that the Great Blue Heron had let out a battle cry of his own. The war was just beginning.
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I want to read the sequel.
Well done!
Laury
A few minor issues in punctuation and capitalization, but nothing earth-shattering. This is a really good entry.