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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Enter (02/27/06)
“I cannot enter that door.”

“Why can’t you?”

“I don’t know. Maybe.... Maybe it is because that would be admitting defeat.”

“Excuse me?”

“Well, I have always been told that I control what goes in my mouth. If I didn’t want something in my mouth, it was within my control to not let it enter. If I go through that door, I would be admitting I don’t have control over what goes into my own mouth. I have failed to control that little thing in my life. If I can’t control that, why should I think that I could control anything else?”

“You can’t honestly think that.”

“Maybe not. Maybe it would be admitting I don’t have enough faith in God. I am always talking about how God is control of my life, how I do nothing without him. Yet, if my eating is out of control, then God can’t be in control of my life. If God is not in control of my life, then is my faith even real? Am I just doing a bunch of lip service or worse, just going through the motions without a thought? Why have I never prayed to God to help me with this? I’ll tell you why, because I don’t want to admit there is a need to pray about this. I don’t want to admit that I haven’t been counting on God for help with this for all my life.”

“I’m not the one you should be talking to about this. I’m just the one who came to hold you up through this. Now, come on. We can’t sit out here all night. What good would that do?”

“Then let’s go home.”

“No. We came here because you need to be here. We are not leaving until the meeting is complete.”

“Well, I can’t go through that door. I can’t enter that room. Not with other people there. Not in front of all THOSE people. Please, don’t make me.”

“Look, THOSE people are no different than you. If you go in that room, if you just listen to those people, you will find that you understand them - and they, you - a lot more than you think you do. Now, gather yourself up. You owe this to yourself. You owe this to your husband. You owe this to God. Now, let’s go.”

“WAIT!”

“Now what?”

“I’m going to be sick.”

“No you’re not.”

“How do you know?”

“Because I know you. I know you are just trying to stall. Now, come on.”

Being out of stalling tactics, I watched her open the door. As she went in, fear overwhelmed me. I just could not enter that room. I ran to the bathroom and relieved my stomach of dinner. Several times over. By the time I was done, so was the meeting.
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This article has been read 1017 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Ann Darcy
03/09/06
First, I LOVED your dialog here! You are a natural with it, none of it seemed like you were trying to make good dialog. It just flowed freely! Great!

There are a couple of things I would have liked to have to help me connect to your character; and understand the story a little better. I would have loved to know her and her friend’s names. And maybe add some inner struggles or visual descriptions as well as dialog.

I think you have a good beginning to a gripping story; you just need to fill it in more. I look forward to seeing your next work!
Caitlynn Lowe
03/10/06
Nice story. :) I thought the dialog was pretty good.
Lynn Smith
03/10/06
I really enjoyed your story. It really makes one think if they have REALLY given their life over to God. So often we pray, telling God that our lives are his and that we trust him with all areas of it, but then something will happen where we hold back due to insecurity, etc. A good prayer for those who are struggling with this is to ask God to help them to trust and surrender to him. God knows how hard it is and he will be with us as we step out in faith. Great going.
david grant
03/10/06
Oh! Its me! Its me! Its me!
Yikes. repentance is so hard sometimes.
Jan Ackerson
03/10/06
I would have liked some descriptions in addition to the dialog, to flesh out the characters. You did a good job of portraying the conflicting emetions here.
Lynda Schultz 
03/11/06
I needed a few more details to go with the conversation. But I was going "ouch, ouch, stop kicking me" all the way through. Good job.
Pat Guy
03/11/06
Great job here! You have enough word count left to add some scenery and more descriptions of what is going on to complete the picture of a very real struggle many will relate to! Just expand it a little more - you've got the most important part down pat - the emotion of the dialogue! Go for it!
Suzanne R
03/13/06
I bet many of us could relate to this! Spot on. Taking the guilt and fear that many of us feel, but taking it on to more extremes helps us identify it in ourselves.
Beth Muehlhausen
03/20/06
A timely topic, for sure, as you can tell from these responses. I agree that it would be helpful to expand the character development a bit...for the reader to be able to identify more personally. Overall, a very well done story on a delicate subject that applies to many. THANK YOU! :-)