The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
05/27/16
This could have been an interesting tale, but somehow the language did not seem comfortable, daily use language. There were a few spelling and punctuation errors; nothing major.
This is a sweet story. More and more of the older generation are figuring out computers. My main advice would be to do more showing instead of telling. Using body language like Sylvia nibbled on her fingernails and bounced her knee as she drew closer to the cabin. Another good way would be to use actual dialog too. Remember grandfather is lowercase unless it is used as a name. I think you did a nice job of developing a conflict and resolving it with some subtle humor. You definitely wrote on topic for sure. Nice job.
A cute "could be" real live family story.

Nicely written.
05/31/16
Nicely done!

Blessings~
06/02/16
Thumbs up! You would have my vote! I sense a move to the next level...

Wing His Words
06/02/16
I see the makings of a good story here. Your one major problem was telling us what Sylvia felt instead of showing us.