The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 476 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
05/27/16
You have a good imagination. There were some sentences that would have been better as active rather than passive, such as "was unable to be noticed". Not noticeable or something similar may have been better. "Here her voice" should have been hear.
05/28/16
An interesting take on the Mark of the Beast. Saw something on FB, or at least my wife did, about a medical record chip to be implanted to hold all your medical records under the ACA. Your chio sounds like something similar. Well written and hope it places.
This is a great story. You did a great job of creating a couple of different conflicts that propelled me to read on.
05/31/16
This was wonderful.

Blessings~
06/02/16
Congratulations, Jeremy, on winning highly commendable in the Beginners category.

I especially liked the last paragraph and look forward to reading part two.
06/05/16
Jeremy, Congratulation s on placing highly commendable. This was a suspenseful entry.