Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Love and Grace (09/11/14)
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TITLE: The Unburned Bridge | Previous Challenge Entry
By Lindsey Ruby
09/18/14 -
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I beg God to use my life ... then when He wants to use it I'm like, "What? Are you serious?"
I've learned a lesson on love and grace just recently. A good friend and I planned to meet up, catch up and just spend a few hours together. I was looking forward to it. The day came and I called to touch base. No answer. I called again an hour later around when we were to meet and she picked up the phone, irritation in her voice. I didn't stop to consider what she might be going through. And if I did, I wouldn't let her off the hook. Her tone said all I needed to hear. Who needs friends like this? That's what I told myself.
I wanted to burn this bridge. It would be so easy to do. I've done it before to others who let me down. It always seemed to feel good at first, letting people go. A seed of an idea turned into the sprouting of the notion that I won't let anyone hurt me again. (Except, I would get hurt again.) I would be doing the right thing, I told myself. That would be the last phone call, the last time I reached out. I've been quick to burn a bridge or end a friendship. My mind always made sure to justify it to my heart.
A few months went by when I was just sitting at my desk looking out my window and she came to mind. I didn't deserve to be treated like that, I said to myself. Then a fresh and new thought bubbled up, "Call her."
What? No way. Where did that thought come from? I was hoping it wasn't The Lord, because I really was not going to call her.
Another spontaneous thought: "Call her and apologize."
The thought was strong and pure. I didn't know what I was apologizing for as I reached for the phone. I dialed. Each ring seemed to buzz me into a different frame of mind.
Another thought: “Love her.”
She picked up, a little timid and sad. I gave my cheerful, “Hey you.”
She sounded down. “Hi.”
“I wanted to hear your voice and see how you are. But most importantly, I wanted to apologize.”
It was dead silent. I almost chuckled, I could sense her softening and it felt good to my heart! I genuinely wanted to hug her. Oh to be human, it is hard. I was amazed at the change of my own heart, cold and hurt one moment and filled with his love and grace the next.
I'm learning.
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Thanks for sharing your story. I wonder how your friend is...hopefully you've gotten back on track.
God bless~
God in His grace lovingly quickens our spirit and gently prompts us to be more of who we were created to be.
I'm still learning too!
I can see where you are working to "show" the reader the inner conflict and thoughts. Continue to do that more and more.
A quick tip: Use italics when writing a character's thoughts. As in 1st Paragraph, "Who needs friends like this?" & 2nd P. "I would be doing the right thing".
I wish someone would have told me that in a critique long before I figured it out myself by reading entries in level 4, which is also a good idea.
You are doing great. Keep up the good work!
Thanks for sharing.
Your voice is maybe the best part of your writing. That, combined with your ability to cut to the heart of your subject, makes you a potentially formidable writer.
The only thing holding you back, really, are some fairly grammatical minor errors and, possibly, cosmetic decisions.
Sheldon already pointed out the idea of using italics for your MC's inner dialogue, and I agree that is a good option when not overused (as I sometimes do).
Another thing I noticed is that your only use of a parenthesis wasn't really necessary - and the "E" in "Except" shouldn't have been capitalized and the period should have been outside the parenthesis.
As I said, these are fairly minor errors, easily fixed, and I only mention them because I feel that a big part of the benefit of being on a site like Faithwriters is that this is a safe place where you can get good, constructive, feedback that is really meant to help strengthen your writing.
I want to reiterate that I agree with everyone here that your entry is a great piece of writing and I agree that your writing is better than Beginner level.
As a matter of fact, in my opinion, we have a lot of "Beginners" who should be in "Intermediate", at the least, right now.
Sorry for such a long comment. If you want to know any of the other spots where I noticed either grammar or structural soft spots, let me know and I will be happy to share offline.