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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Love and Grace (09/11/14)
It Started With Bonjou

Molita wandered the streets of Dessalines, Haiti with vacant eyes and a broken down body reminiscent of a life sworn to the Enemy. She had served her master well for just shy of 50 years. Her techniques in the art of voodoo were unparalleled across this Nation. She wore her status like a badge of honor tattooed across her chest.

Despite her elevated place in society, Molita had great sadness having lost half her family to malaria. Though outwardly she never seemed shaken by life’s circumstances, inwardly she was a lost little girl longing for the pain to stop. The hardness cradling her face like a mask only served to hide the brokenness threatening to be revealed at the smallest provocation. But she had a reputation to uphold and could not afford to show her weaknesses.

Leaving the Voodoo ceremony, she walked through the city with traces of blood from the sacrificed pig splattered all over her blouse. Arriving at the creek, she took off her top and with bare breasts exposed, began washing the bloody mess. Downstream were several naked little boys playing in the water as old women sat chatting in the shade of a large tree.

Just as she stood up, wringing out her blouse, she noticed three “blans” (Haitians’ word for white people) heading in her direction. She carried on about her business, put her top back on and headed towards home.

“Bonjou” the lady with a bright red skirt and pleated white blouse said when Molita made eye contact with her. “Koman ou ye?”

Molita spit on the ground in front of her and walked to the other side of the road. She had no use for these missionary people that seemed to think she needed their white God. Trying to focus straight ahead, she did not see them cross the road to catch up with her.

“Do you speak English?” the tall skinny man in a NY Giants baseball hat called after her. Of course he knew she did. Everyone knew about Molita. They had been forewarned by the resident missionary in hopes that all would avoid her path.

Upon hearing him, she eerily turned around and began speaking curses over them in Creole. Usually that sends the blans running as the power of evil stands up in the face of their meek Christianity. She was shocked when they didn’t cringe. They didn’t even look frightened.

“We want to invite you to our crusade tonight. There will be singing, testimony and a message from God’s Word and we believe you are supposed to be there.”

Molita threw her head back and laughed at their suggestion with such vigor she almost fell backwards. Upon gaining composure, she couldn’t help but notice that they had not budged. She was drawn to their eyes that seemed so full of life and joy.

“The crusade starts at sunset. We hope to see you there.” They smiled at her and headed back to the missionary compound. Reconnecting with others that had gone throughout the city, they all began to pray that the lost would come and meet the true God of Love and Grace. They prayed that the enemy would be defeated and that God would be glorified in this city.

Music blaring and the Christian Haitians singing in Creole filled the air with beautiful harmony. The joy expressed in song and dance always drew in unbelievers. After the third song, a hush fell over the crusade. All heads began looking in one direction. The three missionaries on the stage turned to look at what captured the crowd’s attention. It was Molita.

Walking slowly yet deliberately, she made her way to the front as all the Christians began to pray. Many tried not to be afraid, but they had witnessed firsthand the power Molita seemed to possess.

Recognizing the fearless man from the creek, she was curious as he took position at the microphone. They had a translator but Molita didn’t need it. She listened so intently that she was unaware of the tears running down her face. His message poured over her like a refreshing rain signaling the end of a very long drought. She had heard these words before but never quite like this. God’s unconditional love and amazing grace broke through her shell of deception and penetrated her heart with healing. From this day forward she would serve a new Master with unreserved passion and unspeakable joy.
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This article has been read 441 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Joe Moreland
09/19/14
Wow. This was incredibly good. Your character and storyline here were so real that I felt like I was there witnessing this event, rather than reading about it.

Awesome job!
C D Swanson 
09/20/14
Well written and compelling story. I was so glad she was saved at the end. Great job with the topic.

God bless~
Toni Babcock 
09/20/14
Great story! I felt like I was reading it out of a Christian missionary magazine of some kind. I think you have a natural talent for writing other people's stories and bringing them to life - I trust God will be able to use your talents in a great way.
Diane M. Bowman
09/21/14
This is an amazing story, well written. I have a feeling you will be moving up... :)
Bea Edwards 
09/21/14
You created a wonderfully authentic story. It was a creative and interesting read.
Judith Gayle Smith-Owens Vitouswykegardinerclark
09/21/14
Thrilling story! You show beautifully that no soul is beyond His reach . . .
Verna Cole Mitchell 
09/21/14
This wonderful story touched my heart with the power of God's love for all. This is written way too well for beginners!
Larry Whittington
09/23/14
There seems to be some historical missionary facts or experience build into this story.

Nicely written.
Sheldon Bass 
09/24/14
Excellent writing, especially for this level. A realistic and believable tale. You captured my attention right out of the gate and held it all the way through. Good job.

For a constructive tip, I'd maybe make the most of the opportunity to share a bit of the message your MC heard. It would bring it more into focus concerning the topic of love and grace. And would also afford the opportunity to witness to the reader. Just a thought.

I look forward to reading more of your entries in the future.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
09/26/14
Congratulations on ranking 11th in your level. The highest rankings can be found on the message boards.
Roy Proctor
08/13/16
Wow. I was deeply moved by this story. You might consider what is called point of view. You started out great but a few paragraphs you changed your point of view.

It would help this story by writing more of the voodoo lady's point of view. i.e. being drawn by the Holy Spirit which has been described as the hound of Heaven.

I like what you said about the missionaries not being afraid and that joy was seen in their eyes.

But the rest of the story, you might talk about the voodoo lady's pull that drew here to the meeting; her inward reaction to the joyful singing, etc.

Good writing of getting inside of a person; the voodoo lady.