Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Vote/Voted off the Island (05/29/14)
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TITLE: Voted out of life | Previous Challenge Entry
By Toni Parker
06/03/14 -
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Walking along, eager to see my family that I had missed after a month absence, teaching and ministering in a third world school in Ghana. This make you realise how much of a resort Australia is. In comparison, Australia is so rich, yet we want more. Walking along the platform at the Brisbane airport, when my back went pop, pain, nausea and shivering set in. The final leg from Brisbane to Townsville took an eternity. On arrival, seeing my family made the pain subside slightly for , if just for a couple of hours. I was home in our beautiful country, where people lived in houses, not on the street. Uncontaminated water that ran from taps and toilet. This made me realise how blessed we truly are. In comparison, our children live the life of kings. All we needed was some servant sitting waving the palm leaves to keep us cool, drinking coolers from coconuts with umbrellas, equals a life on a luxurious island.
The pain was getting worse to point could no longer able get out of bed or in car. It became very obvious that I needed help. An ambulance ride to find that I herniated a disc, complicated by equina claudia. The next day this life decided to voted me out. The life had changed to life, twisted in pain, relying on others to get me my meal, and walking aides. As time passes the more crippled I became. I needed a dissectomy something done routinely, easy operation. So, the words came from the doctor’s mouth, followed by the promise to have pain reduced. By this stage heavy pain medication was what kept me sane. Desperate to be pain free, I went to theatre. The operation was carried out everything went to plan I was told. Next day movement had me in tears, I screamed out in pain. Now, I am not a person with a weak pain threshold. I delivered five precious children with no pain medicine, walked on a torn Acl ligament for nearly 6 months, before I seen a doctor. I just push through. This pain was unable to be pushed through, by next morning my right leg was twice to size, turning blue and sweating and the pain made labour seem easy.
I was in a world of hurt, movement and breathing hurt. Sent home to recover in this painful way. Felt betrayed and alone, yet I knew my God would not allow more, than I can bear. Sometimes, I think the limit was not far away though. I was referred to pain specialist that found my nerve had been stitch into my dissectomy and now my leg was showing full signs of complex pain regional syndrome (crps/rsd). The nerve pathways in my brain was now just sending message to the brain to hurt, but could no longer send the message to return to shut the pain off. This agony which has break through pain even on morphine, to put in retrospect the McGill pain scale places broken leg at scale number 20, child birth at 30, amputation is 40 but crps is 44. This helps to understand the magnitude of pain I was living now. Life was filling with despair, depression and hopelessness began to take hold, as I felt so useless. Everything I was able to do was gone, voted out of life by circumstances. But the truth is:
I am a God’s kid, I have hope in him, not my circumstances. Pain is in my life, but it not my whole life. Yes, at this stage, I been restrained by pain but my life is made of many facets. Pain cannot stop me from being a mum, wife, person a Christian and me. Yes some dreams, I needed to let go. Refine some other dreams, I let go. This is why I am writing again, however I place my full trust, in the end their will be only one voter, and he is the healer. So now today I do what he has asked of me for today only. The future is still evolving me for me but God will make it prefect for me, so in him I trust.
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On a Technical note, work on editing and paragraph spacing. Try reading it aloud to help with the editing.
I cannot think of any piece of writing which could more completely bring home the level of pain you experience than the un-edited, raw way in which you write. By the time I got to the end and saw that is was truly non-fiction, I was wincing with every keystroke, as you must have been.
The courage and determination you displayed in writing this is truly inspiring to me. I cannot say "thank you" enough.
Spacing between paragraphs is needed to read more easily. I will leave the punctuation corrections to the more skilled reviewers.
This is poignant and compelling. Keep writing.
I would re-read various times for typos, editing and more paragraphs.
I have at times sent in articles re-reading many times thinking i was good to go and they still get by me! :o
Keep the faith, keep on writing, it is therapeutic!
There are some errors, yes, but it's easy to see where you were going with this. I would suggest that you have someone read your entries over before you submit them, to check for missing words and similar errors. You can have someone edit your piece before you submit it.
As others have said and like I said earlier, you have a powerful testimony here of your ultimate hope. I'd suggest making some changes to this and submitting it to the next testimony book.
There have been several good suggestions about how to improve your writing, and all of them have been good. Probably the one I would like to reinforce is that you get someone to help you proof read; and perhaps read out aloud to you as well. This may help with missing words and broken English.
Please, don't stop writing. Let God speak through you and touch others with your stories.
Blessings.