The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
08/30/13
Wow - Yes, God plans all or our steps...no such thing as a coincident with the Lord.

I really enjoyed hearing about your trip. I was impressed about the lady with the harp playing and soothing the cancer patients. It put me in mind of David soothing Saul. A harp is so relaxing I love them.

So glad you've found us (or should I say God brought you to us!)--Thanks for sharing your encounter. I look forward to reading more of your entries.

God bless~
As I read your first sentence, I put a period after the word "time" and started the next sentence with the word "we". It says the same thing but put a little more "punch" in your opening.

Personal stories are sometimes the best way to start writing. That is the way we used to do it in school.

Well put together. Keep it up.
The title drew me in and the story did not disappoint. Adding white space between paragraphs will be appreciated by readers, and make your writing easier to read. I look forward to reading your future submissions. Welcome to FaithWriters.
This is a nice piece. I really enjoy hearing about "coincidences" like this. It has God's fingerprints all over the situation and I am delighted that you found your way to FW! For me, FW has been an answer to many prayers. Health problems often keep me homebound, but I'm delighted that my FW family is just a mere click away.

Some of your sentences could use a bit of tightening. For example take your opening line, just by switching some words about you can have a tighter sentence: Recently, God blessed my husband and me by allowing strangers to become an answer to my prayers.
Though it's not perfect, it hopefully it sets up a sense of suspense that would pull the reader into the story. A conflict is introduced by the words answered my prayer. It's important, even in nonfiction to have a conflict or a strong message to draw the reader in. You also may want to double space between paragraphs to allow the reader that all important white space.

I'm excited that you found FW and took the plunge by entering the challenge. Writing on topic is one of the hardest parts of this challenge. You kind of bring it in at the end, but eventually you want to get to the point that people could guess the topic even if they didn't know it. It's not always easy to do. For me, I've found by reading and commenting on as many stories as I can, I discover what works for me or what I might change and then can apply it to my own work.

I think you did a wonderful job of showing your passion for writing and your love for God. This is a great foundation of a compelling message. God does wonderful miracles through ordinary everyday type people. I could really feel that as I read your words.

I'm glad that your neighbors recognized your dogs. It's also pretty amazing how God uses all of his creatures to glorify His name.

If you haven't visited the message boards yet, I'd encourage you to check out the forums. You'll want to start in the Newbie Nook, then maybe FAQ. Another great stop is Jan's Writing Basics. She has several threads about how to help writers with a variety of things. Lastly, Congratulations for ranking 9th your level! (The highest rankings can be found on the message boards.)