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Topic: Expand (07/18/13)
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TITLE: More Love | Previous Challenge Entry
By Emily Ritter
07/25/13 -
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“Am I selfless enough to care for a child? Will I be able to love him enough?”
Two years later, I peek over the top of my newspaper at his golden hair floating up and down as he bounces too high on a red wooden antique spring horse. He rides so intently it seems as though he is in pursuit of a vagrant fox that’s guilty of terrorizing neighborhood chicken coops. There is silence in the house except for his rhythmic squeaking. And I’m in heaven here with him.
I remember the first time I noticed God growing my heart to be big enough to receive the pure love of my child. As any heart that has been bruised by the pain of broken relationships, mine had shriveled and build thick walls for protection. But some beauty is too brilliant to be stopped.
That first moment of piecing growth occurred at the end of a long drive. I turned the key off; silence seemed to befall the earth as the motor-hum stilled. I waited, noticed the lack of questions, “Are we home mommy? Are we getting out?“ I leaned slightly forward and heard the gentle timed hiss of breathing in the backseat. Norman had fallen asleep, but as I clicked free the buckles on his car seat and scooped my arms beneath him, he grasped my shoulder as a pillow, not too sleepy to recognize mom. The weight of his 20 pound toddler body hung like a precious sack of live gold in my arms. And I cried softly as I carried him up the stairs.
“Thank you Jesus for this glorious gift,“ I whispered in my mind, treasuring each step of the short trip to his bedroom.
In that moment I felt sharp pain in my heart as I let Norman’s sweet complete trust coat me like the dew of early morning. It pieced the walls that my heart had built due to terror of vulnerability. The stone encasement cracked and crumbled off, allowing my heart to expand and receive more love. I always thought my heart would need to grow to provide more love for my child. I never dreamed it would need to expand to receive the depth of love God gives as my child leans into my care.
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Trusting God enough to obey his commandments also brings peace in times of trouble.
You have a way with words that I like. Keep writing.
Thanks for sharing.
Blessings. Lynn