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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Barbeque/Cookout (09/06/12)
To be honest, I didn't want to go. Don't get me wrong, Auntie Rose's macaroni salad is to die for. Summer air, ice cold drinks, and smoking meat teasing the tastebuds? What's not to like. Retold memories amidst new ones in the making all spell one thing - our family barbeques. The laughter never stops.
That's just it. Uncle Rence wasn't going to be there. He passed away last year and it wasn't going to be the same without him. His laughter was like the ignitor on our bbq, a few chuckles from him and the whole party lit up. And oh! How he loved Mom's spareribs!
"Don't go shy on the spareribs, Mel," he'd quip to my mom, or if he was going to be late, "Spare the ribs for me, Mel."
Everyone loved Uncle Rence and his expiry date came too soon. I know God doesn't make mistakes and to trust His Sovereignty, I just don't agree with Him right now, that's all.
As the sun danced with the trees and the birds sang in mockery of Uncle Rences' absence, my body joined in the festivities of the barbeque while my heart sat on the chair.
"C'mom, Ben, snap out of it," my brother pleaded as he gave a more powerful serge to the frisbe he'd tossed to me. It sailed right past me and CLUNK! Right into the side of the tray Mom was carrying, the aroma of freshly bbq'd spareribs wafting to my nostrils. She'd been laughing with Auntie Rose and so caught off guard that the tray lunged out of her hands. I ran in front of her, grabbed the tray in mid air, but had too much momentum and was going to barrel right into her. I tried to twirl backwards like an awkward ballerina, but the grounds' call won. I landed on my back with the tray of spareribs securely resting on my chest.
As I layed there still gripping the tray, I could hear Uncle Rence's voice in my head, "Spare the ribs for me, Mel!"
Perhaps he was there afterall.
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This article has been read 541 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
C D Swanson 
09/13/12
Oh, this was such a sweet and fun read. You did a fabulous job of describing the collision with his mom. I could see the entire scene in my mind's eye! Great job.

God Bless~
Lynn Smith
09/13/12
I love the sentence "I tried to twirl backwards like an awkward ballerina, but the grounds' call won." Very good description. I liked the ending... very touching. As an after thought, you might want to put a space between paragraphs... your story will look much better and will be easier to read. Good work.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
09/14/12
This is a really powerful piece. You grabbed my heart right away and did an excellent job of making me actually feel the grief of the MC.

You had a few typos, (a question mark missing and one that shouldn't be there) If you need someone to help you proof or as a challenge buddy check out the message boards or if you like you can PM me and I can help you or find someone else who can.

You packed a lot of emotions in this short piece. I'm not sure if it's a true story, (If not you really did a fantastic job of showing grief) but if it is true what a wonderful testimony to the Uncle. These stories are the type that the family will pull out and read over and over. The ending was great! I could feel the gloom lifting and almost hear Uncle Rence chucking.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
09/21/12
Congratulations for ranking 6th in level one! You can see the highest rankings in each level and the top 20 overall on the message boards.