Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Oops (01/14/10)
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TITLE: The Mad Dash | Previous Challenge Entry
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01/19/10 -
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“Oops,” she grunted as it banged and then rattled. She whirled around the table to the cupboards on the other side and snatched her bag out knocking another to the floor.
“Grr,” she vented pushing the other bag back in. She hurried as much as possible without literally running back into the store.
“Oh Paula, before you go, are you still interested…”
“Sorry Amy,” she interrupted glancing at her watch, “Already running late. I’ll call you.”
She moved quickly through the shopping centre dodging people, grumbling quietly on the escalator and apologising hastily as she bumped past someone on her way out the main entrance. Never stopping, she glanced again at her watch, pulled her bag further up on her shoulder and moved into a jog.
“Why is it always the day you’re in a hurry that your final customer has to be difficult!” she growled to herself. That annoying customer had her working ten minutes late and began this frenzy. She’d had it all worked out. Leaving straight away she’d be able to catch the earlier bus with a brisk walk. Usually she’d meander through some of the other stores in the centre or run an errand or two before catching the later bus home to throw on a simple dinner for herself and her husband. Tonight they had guests coming for dinner and she did not want to be rushing frantically around the kitchen when they arrived.
She must have been an amusing sight trotting across the parking lot in her heels and knee-length skirt. She didn’t care. She could see her bus coming up the street already. She gritted her teeth and stepped up her jog as much as was safely possible.
The bus had already pulled in as she reached the footpath and turned for the final few metres. The flurry of passenger exchange was almost complete.
“Oh please, oh please,” she begged. She almost tumbled as she pulled up by the door.
“That was quite some feat,” the bus driver exclaimed, “I don’t think I’ve seen anyone run as fast as you in heels…and I’ve seen a few.”
“I don’t recommend it,” Paula puffed as she swiped her bus card. The doors closed and the bus rocked as it began to pull out. She found a vacant seat and plonked herself down. She sighed in relief, both that she’d made it and that the sprint was over, and ran a hand over her hair to settle the wind-blown look she was sure to have.
Paula sank into one of the dining chairs with a fresh cup of tea and gladly kicked off her heels. Her feet ached more than usual after the mad dash but there was no rush to prepare dinner now. She heard the garage door roll up and her husband’s car pull in. She glanced over at the sink with a smile. Her lovely husband had done the breakfast dishes before leaving for work this morning which allowed her these few moments to relax.
A minute later he strolled into the kitchen, tossing his keys on top of the fridge and then he halted.
“Oh. You ARE home,” he said with eyebrows raised. Paula looked at him a little confused.
“Where’s your car?” he continued.
“My car?” she questioned, “My car!!”
She almost dropped her tea as she remembered. She’d decided to drive to work this morning to save herself this very fiasco.
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Shann
This would be easier to read with white space betwen the paragraphs.
You have an easy-going style that's pleasant to read.