The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
This is a very good example. It would be a better piece if it were separated into more paragraphs and had quote marks around the spoken words. But this is a very good start and right on topic.
02/29/08
Good start, this might be your first attempt at writing and therefore the mechanics haven't been learned quite yet. The good news is we all started somewhere. Read thru some of other entries and observed the spacing, quotations and punctuation that is used. God bless and keep writing.
03/01/08
You made your point well. Great example for all of us!

You have some good advice above - if you need help with it, feel free to send me a private message and I will gladly help you out.

Keep writing!
03/02/08
Excellent illustration of the topic. You've been given good advice above; work at those things and your writing will vastly improve.
03/02/08
Perfect story for the Topic, and has a good moral. Enjoyed the story line immensely.

Critique: Needs to be edited with paragraphing, quotations around the dialogue, and it would be excellent. Keep at it...