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Topic: Hunger (11/08/04)
TITLE: THE YEARNING WITHIN By Faithaline Stanislaus 11/13/04 |
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Then I began casually searching, reading, collecting information. Not out of any urgent need, simply mild curiosity. I gathered many fascinating facts that my mind latched on to, but my heart remained detached from. Years of learned behavior patterns caused me to keep the core of my being safe at all cost. I protected that innermost part of me, even from the One who desired above all to help and not to harm me.
Then my circumstances became topsy-turvy, and what began as a tiny crevice of inquiry became a gaping chasm of desire that demanded to be satisfied. A desperate search ensued.
Some folks tried to help me in my frantic state of affairs, but could not. Others didn’t even try. In retrospect, this want of support was the best thing that could have happened to me. I was compelled to trust God—I didn’t have anybody else I could lean on.
I suspect in His sovereignty, my omnipotent God allowed the challenging situations in my life that gave fuel to my quest for the “pearl of great price”. In fact, I believe that in His provenience, He initiated the entire affair, igniting that first spark of longing in my heart, and overseeing the entire process as the crucible of my life’s circumstances induced the quiet spark to grow into a burning flame.
In my pursuit of the Holy One, I’ve discovered many nuggets of truth along the way, like the importance of silence, solitude and contemplation. One of the most profound discoveries, however, is that Jesus loves me. I’ve heard this expression a thousand times, sung the words more times than I can remember, but I’m only just beginning to grasp what it really means. This vital concept is gradually carving a path from my head to my heart.
Notwithstanding my findings, I’m still on the journey—still searching—still hungry. Will my hunger ever be satisfied? I find the answer in words spoken on a mountainside in a distant time, in a far-away land, but still relevant for me today: Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled. I believe this—which reminds me of something else I’ve ascertained along the way: it’s just as easy to believe as it is to not believe—easier, even, considering the joy and peace that accompany believing.