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Topic: Betrayal (02/16/04)
TITLE: Journal entry—February 17, 2004 By Val Walters 02/17/04 |
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Many of the people I interviewed for this piece were at various stages of recovery from their betrayal, but most had not gotten to forgiveness. The most inspiring to me was Gloria*-- she had it together and was focused on the right things.
Gloria was 49 when her husband told her he wanted a divorce. Several of her friends had been divorced by then, but Gloria never expected her life to end up that way. She had married Zachary* at 19, one year after graduating high school. She had met him her freshman year. He was the captain of the baseball team and a senior. She knew instantly that it was love. She said Zachary wasn’t that certain, but wanted to make it work. From the beginning, he had always wanted to go the medical school, so Gloria was resolved to work hard to get him through school. He was smart, a hard worker and had the tenderness she knew would make him a great doctor and surgeon. When she became pregnant with their first child, Zachary got accepted to a top medical school. By the time the second one came, he had graduated and had begun his residency program. She knew he would make it and all her effort really paid off--(that’s what he always told her). She had always loved Zachary, and her family meant the world to her. She knew he loved her too, so, when Zachary told her that he couldn’t be with her anymore, and that he loved someone else, her world crumbled. He told her that he couldn’t go on living a lie and confessed that he and John*, his business partner at the practice, had become involved several years ago. He didn’t want to hurt her or the children, but, they now wanted to be together. The words he spoke became lost in the daze of her confusion and Gloria stopped existing at that point. Two years later, Zachary committed suicide, after his practice and relationship ended.
Four years later, Gloria met Paul*. He was a retired real estate developer, who, after his wife died, gave his life to Christ. He decided not to continue in the business and instead to concentrate on managing his properties and spend time with his grandchildren.
He knew he loved Gloria the moment he met her. Although she had given her life to the Lord two years earlier, she was still skiddish about a relationship. But, after six months, she let him in and let go of the fear she held onto. About two years ago Paul and Gloria were married. Now, she helps him manage the properties, but spends most of the time with their six grandchildren and one great-grandchild (thanks to Paul).
I asked Gloria how she was able to get back her life and move on after Zachary's betrayal. She told me it had been difficult for her. For the first few years, she blamed herself for the marriage failure. Then she started blaming Zachary and finally God. It wasn’t until her son recommended she speak to his pastor that she started realizing it was no one’s fault. Zachary had his own issues and he made choices based on them. And, she had choices too. Either she live according to the choices Zachary made or she live according to those she still had. The pastor told her that life wasn’t always going to be fair, but she did not have to stop living because of it. Her favorite saying was, “Don’t be afraid of what God puts on your plate. Just grab the biggest spoon out of the drawer and dig in. You won’t ever be disappointed.” So, when Gloria decided to live out loud, she stopped looking back.
And, I took her advice. With spoon in hand, I am off on the adventure I had put off for too many years.
*names are fictitious.
©V. Walters (all right reserved)