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Topic: Rejection (11/15/04)
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TITLE: Rejection By Sally Clark 11/20/04 |
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“Sure, Martha, of course. What do you need?” I asked.
“Well,” she replied haltingly, “I was wondering if you would step down from leadership until some things have changed for you.”
“What things?” I answered as my heart began to pound a bit faster.
“Well, maybe until you were able to lose some weight?” she said.
‘Lose some weight?’ I thought. ‘She can’t be serious.’ Was that really what this godly woman had just said to me? The same woman who had recommended me for leadership just a short month before when I weighed exactly the same as I did now? I knew I was over weight and had been all my life. It was one of my many weaknesses that kept me dependent on His grace. I had to be mistaken, Lord, please. I’ve followed and believed in the leadership of this bible study program for three years. They asked me into leadership! Don’t they believe in grace, I wondered. My righteous indignation was growing by the seconds. Then I remembered the application for leadership and filling in the space that had asked for my weight. ‘If I can’t be honest in this group, who can I be honest with, Lord,’ I had thought. And then I had signed the forms that asked me to keep in confidence the qualifications for leadership. I saw the red light flashing in my head, but chose to look away.
“Yes, you did, didn’t you,” came the familiar, quiet voice in my heart, “the same forms that stated no Catholics, no one divorced, no charismatics, no smokers would be allowed into leadership with this group. You signed that, didn’t you?”
‘Yes, Lord, I did. I knew it was wrong, but it didn’t apply to me, so I did it.’
Suddenly, I was aware of the silence on the telephone between us.
“Perhaps you should pray about it and get back to me,” Martha finally said.
There were other phone calls to other women whom I respected who were equally stunned and other conversations with Martha. I returned in the fall to the bible study as a student, not a leader, but the Lord’s conviction remained so heavy on me, I could not stay. His calling out to be separate from this group was unmistakable. I had asked for a brick wall and had received one. I was saddened to leave the study but more saddened to realize how easily I had compromised what I knew was right to do what was wrong. I knew that I had taken one more bite out of the apple, hammered one more nail into the cross, and would have one more sin that only His blood could cover when I reached heaven.