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Topic: Insulted (11/01/04)
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TITLE: This Was a Difficult Topic By Annette Agnello 11/01/04 |
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Our church is huge three services a weekend in addition to mid week services. With about 2,000 at an average service. Because of this the church tried to plant 8 new churches and tapped 8 men to be the pastors of these churches.
Everyone in the whole church was encouraged to join “LIFE” groups. Which would be Living In Fellowship and Evangelism. These small groups were supposed to grow by gaining new converts. They would be adding people from their jobs and neighborhoods by doing mission related projects. As the group grew it would subdivide and multiply. Each group had a leader and was supposed to have an acceptance to lead the new group. We were apprentices under J and D and in time would lead a group of our own.
But J was one of the ones tapped to plant a church in our area. We are a good 45 minutes each direction to and from church. We were supposed to be growing as a group. And my husband and I were the heirs apparent for when the group subdivided we took the training to that end. J was taking his own training to start the church.
As a life group we were supposed to be reaching out to people and bringing them to Christ. Most groups were doing things every other week to reach people. Our group has been around over two years and have done that once. That day we met a young woman and her children, she brought along her boyfriend. They both received the Lord and became J and D’s project to the point of hosting their wedding on their deck. There was very little growth in our group other than those two. Really they not only did not have time for the rest of us. And couldn’t be bothered with another outreach in spite of the success of the one outreach we had.
That was bad enough, but as part of his prep for planting a new church he listed who would be what, prayer leader, youth leader, evangelist, teacher, outreach leader etc. Everyone that was a start of the original group plus a couple who had visited once had a position. Everyone except me! I felt thrown away and rejected. It was a gross insult to be the only one singled out by the absence of a position. I was further insulted to be left out of helping with wedding. I volunteered to do flowers, I didn’t know my way around the area. And I asked to go along to get flowers for the bouquet. D couldn’t be bothered with me tagging along. I was the only one not included in anything the more I tried the more I was thrown away. The more I was thrown away the more insulted I became.
I wasn’t wanted for anything in the church that was supposed to be planted. I wasn’t wanted to help with the wedding. D had promised me early on she would take me places and teach me how to get there. I have been here three years and still know very little about what’s available in the area. I feel lied to. Their word means nothing, they had no use for me in the church they were planting. They didn’t need my help with anything I offered to do, and couldn’t be bothered to help me with anything I asked for help with. A seamstress couldn’t take a few minutes to explain how to do french seams. A teacher, promised to edit the pieces I was submitting. Three weeks after the weekly challenge she said she would get to it soon, to little to late.
I’m insulted everyone keeps their word to everyone except to me. I’m insulted everyone is there for everyone but me. I’m insulted any time I try to make myself useful I get kicked in the teeth.
I get insulted when promises are not kept. I get insulted when I am locked out of things. I patiently say I’ll wait, or it will be alright. IT’S NOT ALRIGHT!!! I’m a nice person, I deserve better from a life group they are supposed to be nearly family. It’s not living up to its press.