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Topic: TEARS - (as in crying) (10/04/04)
TITLE: Be Careful What You Ask For By June Walch 10/08/04 |
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Days moved into months. I hadn’t cried once in church, or when I went to bed, or when I was alone. Tears --- what tears? I was feeling like I was free of a swift flowing river! I went about the usual tasks, cleaning house, yard work, full time employment, shopping and all the rest a mom has to do.
My closest friend lost her father I consoled her. I gave it no thought I hadn’t shed a tear! Shortly after her father’s death, my father fell ill and I felt like a distant relative, not his kind, loving daughter. Episode after episode took place. Not a tear. I ‘chatted’ with the Lord all through the day, what once was a sweet relationship turned to one-sided statements. No conversation, that takes two – to communicate.
Suddenly as if an explosion in my heart, I realized my children had stopped bringing their difficulties, and heartaches to me! They had retreated, like two frightened soldiers, from a thoughtless, mean sergeant! I was worse, I had turned into a gigantic, heartless, appalling monster! What did I sound like to my friend of 25 years when she lost her father? What about my own dad when he became feeble? I lived simply 15 minutes away and I didn’t go to him daily! No, he hadn’t died, but he was very ill! How heartless not to take time for my own father!
I ran to my room, fell on my knees and plead with the Lord to return as King of my life. I begged him to remove the rock my heart had turned to. I waited, but not for long, for tears of true repentance had been hiding deep beneath the hardened lava like rock, within my being. No words now, just a flood of tears! I bathed myself in them, letting them wash my face as well as my heart and soul. My head down in full repentance, I couldn’t bear to lift my face to heaven because I’d been such a fool.
Quietly, the King of Kings met me there, gently lifting my face to his, I heard him say, “oh, my child, my child, how I have longed for this day! Look up, my child, look into my eyes, and see your reflection in my tears! I have wept for you and longed for you, because you are my child! I have told you I will never leave you, nor will I forsake you! Look up my child, see my smile, I will give you a smile once again. This one thing I want you to do, never be ashamed of tears, for without tears comes a stony heart. Where a stony heart is will be loneliness, and the lack of empathy. Go now my child, wash in cool water and go love your children as I have loved you!”
I wanted to linger in this renewed relationship, but I did as my Father God said.. I washed my face with cool water, then went to find my children. They weren’t far away. I found them in my daughter’s room, cradled together and weeping as if their hearts would break. I gathered them into my arms and wept with them knowing they would feel the Spirit of God ruling our house once more.
Thirty years have come and gone, and tears are in my life to stay. Yes, my Father God has given me a smile too. One I get comments on all the time. It’s mine reflected in His.
© June J. Walch