Previous Challenge Entry (Level 4 – Masters)
Topic: Proverbs 17:22 (05/04/23)
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TITLE: Whatever Is Lovely | Previous Challenge Entry
By Jennifer Percell
05/10/23 -
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“How can you possibly feel that way, Sara? Nothing about this makes sense, you are throwing away everything that matters, everything you stood for, your only hope in this world is God and you can't just walk away from Him!”
My groggy thoughts of morning are already playing the one-sided arguments I fell asleep rehearsing. Over and over I imagine all I would say, if she would listen. An endless loop of dialogue spins like a reel-to-reel tape, a closed circuit that will only churn a deeper rut in my weary mind. I cannot escape this suffocating sorrow even long enough to greet a new day, it is there, unbidden in my first waking awareness.
“God, she was so faithful, so full of love when she served You. She's my precious child, You love her more than I do, we can't let this happen. Show me what to do! What good all these years of ministry if Satan wins my own daughter?”
Relentless unheard conversations do nothing to change a heart set on rebellion. No amount of my pleading breaks through the barriers she has erected around her soul. On a level above my desperation, I understand what I cannot change. No convictions of mine can become hers by my will alone. And by this truth, I am paralyzed.
My will to serve has broken. What good teaching a class of eager teenagers when her jaded face appears in my mind, reminding me they may walk away too? How can I spend hours of energy and spirit on a week of camp only to wonder which seven in ten will be drawn to all the lies that glitter from their screens 24 hours a day? What good is the good I do?
I drag myself to the kitchen, grind the coffee, unload the dishwasher. I stare out the window and the voices return.
“Sara, we taught you about Jesus because sin will hurt you, can't you just trust us?”
“Stop me Lord! How do I help her? How do I focus? I gave my life to You and I'm not going to give You up no matter what she does. Please show me how to bear this fear for her and still keep my own faith. I'm drowning in this mess I cannot fix.”
“THINK ON THESE THINGS.”
The thought is strong and clear. But I have been thinking, endlessly thinking, about what to say and what to do. It's not working!!
“THINK ON THESE THINGS.”
These things? Why is that familiar? I cradle my coffee cup and walk out on the deck. Morning dew sparkles on the peony. The red tail hawk sits on the telephone pole. It's a lovely morning.
“WHATEVER IS LOVELY.”
With a deep sigh I sink into the deck chair. How can I be so blind? As always, His answers are before me, and as usual I have not listened. The Word I read by habit teems with the answers I plead for, but I do not listen.
“Father, You wait so patiently for me to see. You also, play the dialogues You would have with me, your rebellious child. But You repeat them patiently, faithfully in your Word. You have heard my tears and gently tried to remind me, and just like my Sara, I turned away to my own stubborn ways. This morning You have shown me Your message. How many dozens of times have I read Philippians? Thinking about whatever is true and noble, lovely and admirable isn't just pretty poetry. It is the way through this pain.
My way has dried up my hope and taken all my energy. Constant rehashing of my immature solutions has only blocked your efforts to teach me. If I think about You instead, about all that You have taught me and all You did when people hurt You, then I will find peace again. How can I possibly help her return to You if I don't even concentrate on You myself?
If I focus on all You have shown me, the way to help her and to serve You in spite of my pain, will all come clear. You have broken through my faithless worry and awakened hope again. I praise You, Lord for the peace You give in the morning Light!”
I rise from refreshing prayer and determine to write out Philippians 4:4-9 as I rejoice in the Lord!
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