Previous Challenge Entry (Level 4 – Masters)
Topic: HEIR/HEIRESS (04/07/22)
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TITLE: The Decision | Previous Challenge Entry
By Graham Keet
04/12/22 -
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Sometimes he felt it was ages ago, but then it could have been as late as this morning. Tom Dalton knew from the confused thoughts that crisscrossed his mind that the idea had been with him for a long time in an embryonic form, and yet he usually discounted it as being totally absurd. But now it seemed the right thing to do. The only thing to do.
He looked out over the dark foreboding landscape made even darker by the gusting rain lashing the windscreen. The sea below the cliffs, so often a rainbow of intermingled colors ranging from bright blue to deep turquoise, was now a raging torrent of black and grey.
For a long time his eyes strayed over the dismal scene before him, a scene which made him both long for the warmth and comfort of a blazing fire and warm companionship, while at the same time seeming to be congruent with his final decision. Had this not been the story of his life lately, a jumble of days of high elation followed by bouts of self-doubt and self-loathing?
Had he let Amelia’s occasional compliments mixed with stupid, hurtful remarks get the better of him? Was he really so weak and pitiful that he didn’t see that she was reflecting her own doubts and insecurities onto him? Things had appeared to be going well with their relationship, and may have continued to do so had the bottom not fallen out of the economy. At times he was confident that he could propose to her, get married and give her the life he knew she dreamed of. But what if he couldn’t provide for her and any children they might have? What if he lost his job, lost their home and were thrown out onto the streets? What if her cancer returned and she needed extensive treatment that he couldn’t afford? What if…?
Dalton felt the turmoil rising up inside him, like a familiar monster from the depths of the ocean on a mission to kill and destroy all in its path. Now was the time.
Sweating profusely despite the freezing north-westerly blowing in from the sea, he flung the car door open and ran mindlessly, thoughtlessly and with reckless abandon towards the edge of the cliff. Hadn’t she said she would probably be better off without him?
He stopped just short of the cliff edge, then with the freezing wind blowing into his very soul he looked down. Far below he could hear the raging surf challenging him to take just one more step. Be a man, Tom, instead of the useless wimp you are — do at least one thing through to its conclusion.
He shuffled another two inches forward and thought of Amelia. Now she would be free to marry James Baron who was always hanging around her. James, with the security of his daddy’s industrial empire, his glamorous social life and his fancy cars — she can have him.
He found the idea amusing; Amelia and James in wedded bliss. Bracing himself against the wind he began to laugh. Was he going crazy or what? His own father didn’t have a thriving business that he could walk into — the only thing he inherited from him was the legacy of a prison sentence and his gambling debts. Thanks dad!
Yet somewhere far back in his past he recalled a vague promise of an inheritance. At the time it had given him a sense of peace and security. He recalled been about twelve at the time. His father was away and his mother was recovering from a night out. With nothing else to do, he went with a friend to the friend’s Sunday school. The Sunday school teacher also happened to be a teacher at his school and, knowing of Tom’s home background, took the opportunity to give him a measure of hope for the future. This is how he heard of an inheritance that would last forever and a peace beyond all understanding.
The swirling wind ripped through his jacket as it buffeted him back and forth. He was freezing and realized it was time to finally decide. One step forward would ensure an end to a life of continual strife and confusion and yet … was there really a possibility of finding peace?
He knew the moment had come. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and made his decision.
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As his eyes strayed over the dismal scene in front of him, he trembled violently as tears pooled in his eyes. He could feel beads of sweat popping out on his upper lip. Amelia's words flashed across his mind. "You're really handsome for someone who's not very intelligent. You try to please me, which is sweet, but sometimes it would be nice if you stood up for yourself like a real man." Shivering, he thought, <I> Maybe she does deserve someone better. </i>
That's just a quick example to show you what I mean. Your words would fit your character better than mine, but I wanted to show you what I mean with
more showing than telling. You've done an outstanding job with a tough topic. I can relate to your character way more than I'd like to admit. I'm struggling with something right now, and unable to sleep, the Holy Spirit prompted me to read your story and it touched my heart deeply and helped ease my burden more than I can ever express. You did a fine job of writing on topic without overusing topic word. By introducing the conflict right out of the box, you piqued my interest and held it to the fantastic open-ended ending. It's been one of my favorite reads this week.