Previous Challenge Entry (Level 4 – Masters)
Topic: CONTROL (02/18/21)
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TITLE: Comforting Limitations | Previous Challenge Entry
By Lorie Coffin
02/23/21 -
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Control is the tendency to direct, influence or affect a person or situation in order to obtain a desired outcome. We do it all the time in work and home life, often without realizing it. We enjoy having control over our lives and directing it into fulfillment of our dreams and desires.
It is good to control ourselves. In fact, self-control is a fruit of the Spirit. Controlling others or obsessive control of circumstances, however, is not.
No one likes to feel they are being controlled. People need autonomy. Free will and free choice are granted by God to each one of us and it is the way He arranged life to be. When we take away the autonomous choice of another, they bristle.
The truth is God values the autonomy of others. He does not want us to be anxious and fretting about our circumstances or others choices. We can rest and have peace, even when we are not in control.
But how? What spiritual truths can help us cope and actually rest, to still be at peace, even when circumstances or others choices are outside of our control?
1. Realize that we sometimes try to be our own God and our own help at times. We lean on our own wisdom and try to direct everything into certain outcomes. Scripture says to lean on God and not on our own understanding.
2. Recognize that we have limits. We are not God. We do not see as He sees. We do not have all the facts and we are limited by our humanity, our perspectives, biases, and judgements. These limit our ability to see the best path or course of action. It’s best to recognize our own weakness in this area.
3. God never expects us or asks us to control life. He expects us to listen to Him and apply His word to our lives. He wants us to mature in our understanding of ourselves, that we are finite creatures with limited capacities. This should be a relief for us. We are not God and we are learning to lean on the one who is God.
4. Understand that we are not responsible to solve every problem or situation. Some situations are indeed difficult and they are filled with many solutions or very few. Each person is responsible for their own lives before God. We may not like the outcome as they take charge of their own lives but we must adapt and let them take responsibility for themselves. It is part of their growth and maturity as well as ours.
5. Be aware that people have boundaries. No one appreciates being controlled or disapproved of or being told what to do. It is disrespectful and unloving to try to control another person.
6. Maturity means surrendering the ungodly desire to control everything. We trust instead the one who is in control. Jesus never tried to control anyone or even His circumstances. He trusted the Father with His circumstances, even very difficult ones.
7. Negative feelings are normal as we learn to trust God when we feel things are out of our control. We may feel discomfort, helplessness, fear or many other negative feelings. We must bring what we feel to the cross and let go of the things that are beyond our control and the negative emotions surrounding it.
8. Gain insight. Trying to control people or situations could be a habit from work life or early childhood fears. Perhaps a chaotic childhood meant trouble and pain so it has become a way of coping.
9. Perhaps our expectations of life, ourselves or others may be too high or unrealistic. People are not perfect and they will make mistakes. We live in a fallen world and the sins of others can affect us in negative and permanent ways at times. Be quick to forgive and give others mercy.
10. Remember that God is in control. He is on the throne and is sovereign over all the earth. Nothing happens that does not escape His notice.
There is a comfort in knowing that life’s circumstances are not always within our control. Rather than scare us, it should help us to relax in the presence of the one who knows it all and comforts us in our weakness and humanity.
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