Previous Challenge Entry (Level 4 – Masters)
Topic: Vanity (11/15/18)
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TITLE: The Final Rebellion | Previous Challenge Entry
By Graham Keet
11/20/18 -
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“What’s our state of readiness, Gorgonius? Are the troops ready for today?”
“My warring demons are more than ready for Michael and his warring angels, O Mighty One, and we have worked hard at whipping the Mortal forces into shape.”
“Ah, the Mortals,” said Kratos, shaking his head. “Their motivation is totally different to mine; all they want is to overthrow the King and escape the White Throne Judgment. My aim is to hurl the King into the lake of fire—and become king of the entire universe.”
“Which is your rightful place,” agreed Gorgonius. “Do you think they’ll be expecting us?”
“They’re expecting something to happen today. The moment we move from Tabor they’ll try to organize some sort of welcoming party; entirely futile, of course.”
“Of course.” Gorgonius was quick to agree.
Kratos looked up at the sun. “Order the troops to begin the advance on Jerusalem, I want the whole city surrounded by midday. You and fifty warring demons will accompany me to the Temple Mount. I don’t expect much opposition; that lot have lived in blissful peace for a thousand years. They have no weapons—they’ve become soft and weak.”
*
The paltry Jerusalem security force, consisting of a hundred men more accustomed to directing tourists than waging war, had taken up position on the ramparts of the Third Temple, constructed by the King at the start of the Millennium. Armed only with about twenty ancient rifles salvaged from museums worldwide, they awaited the orders of their leader, Captain James Butler, an Immortal of the ruling and reigning class.
At fifteen after midday a messenger came hurrying across. “Thousands of enemy troops have moved in from the north, Captain. Jerusalem is completely surrounded.”
“So it’s begun,” said Butler, then looking skyward he saw a bright flash and the next instant Kratos and his team of warring demons were standing in formation on the flat surface of the Temple Mount.
Looking up at the ramparts of the Temple, Kratos’ voice boomed out, “Send your leader down to meet me.” Butler, the only Immortal in the group, teleported down and stood in front of Kratos.
“I am Captain Butler, head of security.”
“And I am Kratos, also known as Lucifer, Satan and many other names. I don’t want to speak to you, where is your King?”
“All I know is that the Committee of Elders is on it’s way,” answered Butler, “and here they are now.”
The next moment Daniel, head of the Committee, and the nineteen other elders appeared behind Butler. Kratos scanned them with amusement.
“So here we have all the great men of the ages. I see Moses, Joshua, Gideon and all the rest of you. I actually want your King, but let’s start with you. Get down on your knees before me—do it now!”
Nobody moved.
“Do you think you’re safe because you’re Immortals, let me prove you wrong.” He turned and aimed his finger at one of his own warring demons. “My warriors are also immortal, but watch this.” There was a flash and only a heap of ash remained where the demon had stood.
“If I do that to one of my own, imagine how much pity I will have on you—now down on your knees and worship me.”
Again nobody moved.
“Very well, I’ll begin with Daniel. Daniel, step out and stand before me.”
Daniel obeyed. Kratos pointed his finger at Daniel’s chest. At that moment a rifle cracked from the eastern rampart as a security guard opened fire in an attempt to save Daniel.
“That stung my cheek,” said Kratos, annoyed. He raised his finger towards the rampart. There was a bright flash and the entire rampart collapsed in smoke and dust.
“Last warning,” he bellowed. “Everyone down on your faces. Now!”
*
Various accounts of what happened next were retold many times in New Jerusalem in the time that followed. Some say fire came down from heaven and consumed the demonic forces, others say a host of huge angels descended from the sky, led by a warrior on a white horse. Whatever the true version is, is irrelevant, the final chapter of the Book had come to pass.
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A couple things I think could be tightenend up are:
1. “And I am Kratos, also known as Lucifer, Satan and many other names. (I think you should have just said 'Lucifer' and then put a period. It seems too wordy to add the others. (People know the names.)
2. The very last sentence is a run on.
Enjoyed it!
It took me awhile to figure out what was going on. At first it felt like an OT battle re-written. I think I'd have maybe given a few more clues early on. Also, for some reason, (and this may just be me) the use of "rifles" didn't seem to fit the clearly Biblical wording, even if this is the end times, and rifles would be available. I think I'd have chosen a different term, or a different weapon. But that's probably just me.
Great job with this, overall.